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[mutant mell]

Granted.  But you don't know what you know about.

I wish knew a new language.

[Kagus]

Granted.  You learn C.


I wish for the ability to mutate and "adjust" my body at will.

[mutant mell]

Granted.  You can become a bucket of water whenever you want to.

I wish I could retroactively make wishes.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. But they cannot be in any way granted.

I wish I knew what I wished for.

[qwertyuiopas]

Granted, but you forgot just as you recognised the memory. The cycle repeats endlessly so you live with a hazy feeling of how great it was but are unable to ever remember it fully enough to know what it is.


I wish I had TF2 and GMOD...

[Duke 2.0]

 Granted. But now Valve starts adpoting the "Cpoy Protection of DOOM" technique.

 You must validate the game over the internet every day + blood test + eye scan + robotic crevice exploration. The robots will be programmed to not enjoy it.

 I wish I wish this damn song would stop playing in my head.

[Reasonableman]

Graaaaanted. It now repeats endlessly in your heart, interrupting the natural rhythm and killing you.

I wish for a song to be in everyone's heart.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted. There is a song in everyone's heart, and the rhythm gives them mystical powers based on ancient Chinese mythology. It's so awesome-

And then you wake up. It was all a dream! In reality, everyone does have a song in their heart, but if they don't sing along with it they suffer heart failure. So you have to sit around listening to everyone sing their stupid songs until they die of old age or suicide.

Your song? It's a disco/country remix of "Never Gonna Give You Up" and "The Song that Never Ends" from Lamb Chop.

I wish we had Thursday and Friday off. I mean cmon, we lost all those scattered presidents' birthdays and we don't even get the one Presidents' Day off. And there have been so many ass presidents, I don't even recognize Presidents' Day.

[Jualin]

Wish Granted. Due to a future freak accident perpetuated by mad science, the sun will face bouts of instability on Thursday and Fridays, becoming hot enough to force what small tidbits that are left of mankind to hibernate on those days, to cope with the rapid loss of oxygen due to the world being on fire on those days. Thus no one ever works on Thursdays and Fridays.

I wish for slugetti and peat moss that stands up to my expectations. And don't tell me you haven't heard of slugetti and peat moss...

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Granted, but I steal it and fry it in my new perfect frying pan.

I wish I had a spatula that would do my new pan justice.

[SHAD0Wdump]

Granted,your spatula hammers your pan into a unrecognizable mass.

I wish to headbutt.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted, you get two headbutts. Zidane headbutts you in the chest, and Hulk Hogan headbutts you in the ear.

I wish for twice as much if it's good, half as much if it's bad.

[Jualin]

Wish granted. You get nothing.

I wish for a rubik's cube.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Granted.

I wish you would just listen.

[Nilocy]

Granted. I do listen, and then immediately forget it, therefore there was no point in me listening.

I wish for Spore to come out sooner.