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[Greiger]

Granted, however your IP is also permanent.  And is leaked by Wikileaks.  That causes ungodly amounts of attacks against yer IP address. From amateurs and pro's alike testing new programs. Your computer is quickly infected with all manner of hijacker tools, backdoors, and every kind of malicious software you can think of.

You get the computer cleaned out and fixed professionally, and it just happens over again within minutes.  You get the best firewalls and anti-malware tools available, and that only delays the attacks for a couple minutes.  You change your IP, but it just gets reset back.  You change computers, but it seems every computer you use gets the IP changed to YOUR IP while you are using it.  Even portables, and unusual operating systems aren't safe.  You can't get to the internet, at all.  DF 1.0 is released shortly after.

I wish I was in the Cosmic Circle with full access to the Cosmic Forge. (obscure game refrence GO!)

[AntiAntiMatter]

Granted. However, you are now trapped in said obscure game.

I wish that I never procrastinated.

[Darvi]

Granted, but it's because every single girl you hit on kicks you in the groin. Repeatedly.

I wish I'd never needed sleep.

[Johnfalcon99977]

Granted, you can never close your eyes. However, you never said anything about wanting sleep, or blinking, for the matter.

I wish the Roman Empire would rise again.

[AntiAntiMatter]

Granted. They start WWIII and nuke the earth to bits.

I wish that I was more outgoing.

[Acanthus117]

Granted. You become an escort.

I wish I had a good, certain future ahead of me.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. You find it most boring, as the lack of surprise in the goodness takes all meaning from it. So enlightened, you die.

I wish for enlightenment.

[Acanthus117]

Granted. You find it most boring. So enlightened, you die.

I wish I didn't just copypasta that.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. unfortunately, this means my previous wish went uncorrupted. Thus enlightened, I win the thread.
And die.

I wish for Otto von Bismark to come back from the dead and make me cookies!

[C4lv1n]

Granted. unfortunately, this means my previous wish went uncorrupted. Thus enlightened, I win the thread.
And die.

I wish for Otto von Bismark to come back from the dead and make me cookies!

Otto von Bismark comes back from the dead and makes your cookies but he's pretty pissed that he has to make you cookies, so he poisons the cookies.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

[Johnfalcon99977]

The wish is unamused and proceeds to posion your next drink.

I wish WWIII would never happen.

[AntiAntiMatter]

Granted. Humanity's involvement in Interstellar War I means that no war will ever be restricted to just earth ever again, hence, no WWIII.

I wish that I could manipulate reality at will.

[Acanthus117]

Granted.

After 30 years on the run, the SCP Foundation, equipped with various artifacts that negate your powers hunt you down and you spend the rest of your life in a tiny box, your brain lobotomized so you can't use your powers.

I wish that I could see my friends more often.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. There's no delays in hell. Just constant polka music. forever. And the soda machine keeps stealing your dollars.

I wish I had a preorder on Portal II and a time machine.

[Darvi]

Granted. The TM dumps you in 1911 and you have to wait  a hundred years longer.

I wish I had a glass of fresh OJ.