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[Tarran]

Granted, you get a horrible pain in your back. But unfortunately you eventually learn to tolerate and eventually ignore it altogether.

You ninja.

Granted, you get a utterly horrible pain in your back. But unfortunately you eventually learn to tolerate and eventually ignore it altogether. Damn, you were starting to like that pain. But now you can't feel it anymore.

I wish you were a goldfish. On fire. In a river filled with Piranha. And the river's going to freeze over in five minutes. Then be hit a small asteroid.

[Sheb]

Granted. But you too are in that river.


I wish for cookies.

[Blaze]

Granted, now you are entirely composed of cookies; computer cookies. Unfortunately for you, they were tracking cookies, and now the common anti-virus and disk cleaner annihilate you and separate your body and mind into electronic bytes. You are now forced to spend every moment of your existence being torn apart and put together several trillion times a second all across the world. Eventually, a mismatched satellite redirects you as a radio wave and sends you out into space in every direction. After an unknown amount of time passes, the radio waves collapse and you are scattered across the universe with each and every tiny byte of you still conscious.

You remain in that state for all eternity.

I wish Patrician IV didn't come with a crappy DRM.

[James.Denholm]

Granted. Have some cookies. What's that? You don't want any more? You eat your cookies, Sheb, you eat your god-DAMN COOKIES!

*Chases Sheb, naked, through an apartment complex with a chainsaw*

God-damn ninjas.

Granted. When you actually now get to play the game, you develop such a passion for trading that you become mentally unstable, becoming so incredibly angry when you see someone who suggests to be better than you at the game (EDIT: Or trading. Of any kind.) that you kill them, assume residence in their apartment, and slaughter hookers and yuppies there.

I wish that I had something better to do.

[lordnincompoop]

Granted. You now have two dozen 50000 word essays all due tomorrow. Good luck and godspeed.

I wish people would stop trying to steal my stuffz.

[Sheb]

Granted. You don't have anything anymore, so they can't steal it.

I wish tonight was a few hours longer.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Granted. Today is a few hours shorter.

I wish Bro was still alive.

[Johnfalcon99977]

Granted. Now hes come back as a zombie and has already started turning other people into zombies.

I wish this place would update more often.

[Diablous]

Granted. It updates so often that you can't keep up with it and abandon it after a while.


I wish Bro was still alive and not undead.

[Eugenitor]

Granted. His every waking moment is unbearable agony, and his suffering cannot be ended because he can't die.

I wish gamma radiation was safe.

[Urist McUristy]

Granted. Gamma Radiation is safe but turns your skin green.

I wish whoever corrupts my wish is unable to corrupt my wish.

[Argembarger]

Granted, but I corrupt the wishes of everyone else on Earth, leading to perpetual sadness for all wishers. And you are responsible for that.

I wish for Happy Fun Ball.

[Blaze]

I wish for Happy Fun Ball.

Granted, but in a sudden expression of utter stupidity, you taunted the Happy Fun Ball. It explodes, and you are bombarded with exotic particles. The interaction causes a rift in the fabric of reality. You are fused with all existences of yourself in all parallel universes in every moment in time. Thus you and all incarnations of you experience instantaneous birth and instantaneous death in infinite amounts in all space-time continuums for every insignificant moment that passes.

You remain in that state for all eternity.

I wish for a pair of wool socks, again.

[Urist Imiknorris]

You get a pair of cotton socks.

I wish I had a pet devilbeast/GOOD DOG BEST FRIEND.

[KaguroDraven]

Granted, it gets rabies and bites you, you die now.

I wish I had a symbol of insanity attached to a rubber bouncy ball, and a room of people I hate to throw it around in.