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[Ultimuh]

Granted, you are ow immortal, and as a bonus you are sent to the the side of the universe!


I wish it was the 31st so I can get the Minecraft Halloween update already!

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. It is now the 31st. Of november. And the update was limited time. Sorry, pal. You missed it.

I wish that some idiot on the seventh floor hadn't turned his firewall off, giving all the computers their tons of viruses. And that I hadn't had to walk all the way down the mother-fudging stairs because the lift was out.

[Phantom]

Granted, he literally turns on a fire wall, burning most of the building to a crisp, and when the lift was back up and you used it, you spontaneously combusted and the whole lift shaft exploded. And then the world became a chiller/freezer.

I wish for exactly 2 grains of gunpowder.

[Medicine Man]

You get 2 grains of gunpowder. You lose them shortly after.

I wish for a sandwich.

[Tarran]

Granted. It's on fire though. It doesn't last very long.

Granted. You get a sandwich. Unfortunately, it's made out of all your least favorite ingredients.

I wish that everyone in the world had ten slices of cake made out of their favorite ingredients.

[Medicine Man]

Granted. Everybody now has ten slices of cake made out of their favourite ingredients. The cakes are also filled with radioactive waste and cyanide. Everybody is unaware of this and eats their cake. Everybody in the world dies.


I wish for a blessed +1 wand of wishing.

[Tarran]

Granted. You get a blessed +1 wand of wishing. It doesn't have any charges though because it's a Forbidden item. The +1 does nothing because there's nothing to improve about it. Being blessed does nothing at all either because there wasn't much to bless anyway.

I wish for a blessed fixed bag of holding.

[Phantom]

Granted. Although it's blessed so much only the completely divine can use it. You are immediately turned into some kind of humanoid and serpentine creature that breaths methane. You die in 10 painful minutes.

I wish for a years supply of Top Ramen. Completely normal top ramen.

[KaguroDraven]

Granted, but an annoying anime character comes out of nowhere, kicks your ass and steals the ramen.

I wish I was capable of flying under my own power.

[Tarran]

Granted. You are capable of flying under your own power. The CIA kidnaps you to find out your secret to flying.

I wish everyone with a name of a creature in their user name becomes that creature.

[Phantom]

Granted. Although recently you were renamed Eldritch Abomination-Cthulhu-Slenderman. You become that horror, shattering the very threads of reality and burning the Noosphere to a crisp.

I wish for the Noosphere and reality to be repaired.

[Medicine Man]

Granted. The Noosphere and reality are now repaired. Only to be destroyed as they cause a paradox between the time where they were destroyed and the time where they were repaired.

[Murphy]

But where's your wish?

EDIT: I'll hijack it!
I wish I could write good posts without so much editing.

[Argembarger]

Granted. All postdwarfship is of the highest quality. But now your edit button doesn't work, so you have to be very careful what you actually post because you can never redact anything ever. (Your posts are now perfect and complete, but you can still be wrong about something or post something you regret later, and there's nothing you can do about it)

I wish that my wish for an uncorruptable wish had not already been wished for by wishful wishers.

EDIT: holy crap "wish" doesn't even look like a real word anymore

[Sheb]

Granted. All the people that wished a uncorruptable wish disappeared before wishing it. One of them was your dad, and you die in the resulting time paradox.


I wish I could sleep until 11 A.M. tomorrow.