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[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. Your money looks so funny that it goes on to have a successful career in stand-up comedy. Which you benefit from in no way.

I wish that I had a (mumblemumblemumble) FOR SCIENCE!!

[Argonnek]

Granted. However, any effects on the scientific world your (mumblemumblemumble) may have had are the most revolutionary in all of human history. You are shoved face-first into the Large Hadron Collider by a mob of jealous scientists and the evidence, along with your discovery, is buried.

I wish I could control fire!

[ECrownofFire]

Granted, you're only able to control it with your hands. You do so, and get third-degree burns.

I wish I had telekinesis.

[Medicine Man]

You have telekineses and people know about it,you decide to sleep and when you wake up there are thousands of people outside your door yelling "Burn the witch!!" you are burnt alive and your telekinesis did nothing to help you.

I wish for more people to know about Doom The Roguelike

[SolarShado]

Granted, a Siberian peasant discovers it, and beats all your high stores in 48-hours.
(good game btw)

I wish for l33t l1|\|u>< s|<1|_z!

[Taco Dan]

Granted, but your l33t Linux skills have made it impossible for anyone understand you, as you 5p34|< 1|\| 4 |)14|3(+ |\|0|30|)Y U|\||)5+4|\||)5


I wish I could find a job.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. You find a nice, well-paying job for a career you enjoy, but you arent hired.

I wish I could sleep.

[Medicine Man]

You go to sleep but never wake up

I wish for a thread on Bay 12 dedicated to Doom The Roguelike

[Tarran]

Granted. You start one. Everyone shouts at you for not searching for the already existing thread.

I wish I could bend the RNG god's rolls to my bidding.

[Ochita]

Yes you bend them. But in the wrong way.

I wish that the RNG would roll constant 5's for me unless its a roll on how much damage I take then It would be 1

[ECrownofFire]

Granted, but suddenly everybody decides to reverse the dice rolls. Higher numbers are bad now.

I wish I could type faster.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. You can type faster than anything. But then somebody invents a neurocomputational interface. Keyboards are obsolete. And yours bursts into flames. Of fire.

I wish for LASERS!

[quinnr]

Granted. They malfunction and explode. You are now dead.

I wish that Disney reopened VMK.

[Medicine Man]

Disney makes a terrible band called Reopened VMK and that is all they play on the radio.

I wish for a nuclear explosion to replace earth.

[Tarran]

Granted. Everyone but you dies from the explosion.

You die from the Vacuum that was earth.

I wish I had mind control over the next poster.