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[SolarShado]

Granted, now caps lock is off, and the key is broken, also your shift keys are broken. You'll never type another capital letter again.

I wish OS updates didn't break things...

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. Now things break OS updates. Including vital "to avoid bricking" ones. Have fun with your high-tech doorstop.

I wish I could post these from my computer, rather than being forced to use my phone. But in a way that doesn't affect the form or functionality of said phone.

[Sensei]

Granted, it works fine once you pay for a Bay12 Gold Account, at the low price of $9.99/Mo. You may now post messages from a limit of one (1) computer(s), at charge of $4.99 for extra computers. Try joining our Bay12 Platinum Account for smileys and colored text, as well as being allowed to choose from one of our pre-hosted avatars!

I wish Dwarf Fortress had a military UI that made bloody sense...

[Medicine Man]

Your military isn't fighting,they just make the delicous meal of bloody sense.
I wish I had a bowl of bloody sense.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. You are arrested for the murder of Glen Beck, after the police discover that you used the corpse and blood of the nonsense-machine to make your bloody sense.

I wish that I could get that image out of my head before dinner time.

[knightedskull]

Granted, however you already told your family about it in extreme detail and now they keep asking about it.

I wish I had a Blunderbuss.

[RedWarrior0]

Granted. It is specially made to fire backwards, which you are unaware of.

I wish the corruptions were more funny and less stupid and repetitive.

[Urist McOverlord]

Granted. Unfortunately, you must do them all yourself.

I wish that I had a ☼adamantine battle axe☼

[Medicine Man]

You get one but those glowing pits from where you got it from are slightly scary...
I wish for a bowel of bloody sense 

[Tarran]

Granted. It's quite bloody. And since bleeding makes sense, you bleed out.

I wish the next wisher's wish would not be corrupted.

[Medicine Man]

Granted you cause a rip in time and space and have to take back the wish.

I wish for Toady to show a video of Scamps getting Tummy Time.

[PTTG??]

Granted. That wish cannot be corrupted, retroactivly granting the wish before that.
 
This retroactive wish-granting causes a counter-corruption vortex spiral to form, destroying all the universe.
 
I wish my cold was gone, leaving me healthy.

[knightedskull]

Granted. The priest tells you your "cold" is gone and your "healthy" for some one of the 1300s.   The spots still itch though.

I wish I knew how to beat the Hotoku no Ken game for SegaMark2.

[Medicine Man]

You beat it and go insane with INTERNETZ POWAR!and try to rule the internet through hacking,ending with you dying in jail

I wish for a non faulty fallout 3 Goty editon disk for pc [my last one was faulty and glitchy and i kept on hearing it dosen't work properly on pc so i uninstalled it]

[knightedskull]

Granted, You get your super bug-free GOTY Edition Fallout3 WITH Las Vagas for PC on your BRAND NEW HYPER-COMPUTER!
However your copy of Fallout3 CANNOT, in any possible way, use the Construction Set or any mods/plugins that was released shortly after (or even expansion packs).

I wish I had a digital copy of GOTY Edtion Oblivion on Steam instead on the disks I have.