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[Metroid]

Granted, but Newton's third law still takes affect and whenever you telepathically punch someone in the face you feel the punch in your head as some sort of large headache.

I wish that I were a pokemon master.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Granted. You now have a level 100 magikarp.

I wish for Mother 3 to come out in America.

[Baughn]

Granted. However, copyright protection has advanced to the point where remembering anything from a playthrough is infringement, and since memory editing has not advanced to the same degree you will be charged with infringement if you play it. This is a capital offense.

Ninety-nine bottles on the wall. I wish for that wall.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, the bottles are empty and broken in half, all of them..



I wish I always had money when I needed it, so I never need a job ever again.

[Metroid]

Granted but it's always drug money and the cops are always arresting you.

I wish that I were one inch taller than I am now.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. You are one inch taller. But everyone else grows to two inches taller, so you look short in comparison.

I wish I had a new baseball cap.

[Nether]

Granted, you're meetup with the

Spoiler: stretcher (click to show/hide)

has been arranged. An hour or 23-24 on it should do. Do know that to attain the wished effect you'll have to repeat daily.

I wish for people to forget me.

[Diablous]

Granted. You are forgotten, then remembered 2 seconds later.

I wish I could control minds.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. You can control how much people want to hit you.

I wish that Nether would realise he was ninja'd

[Morrigi]

Granted, but he's so depressed by not realizing it he emo's himself to death.

I wish I had awesome dwarf fortress modding skillz.

[dragnar]

Granted. In a modding frenzy you make elves unstoppable killing machines that exterminate every dwarf from every copy of DF ever. You monster.

I wish I had a rathian plate.

[maxicaxi]

granted but you brake it

i want sandvich

[Diablous]

Granted. But it is rotting.


I was a Chessmaster like in the link.

[lordnincompoop]

Granted. You were, but you are captured, sentenced for every crime you ever committed plus a few more (courtesy of the other Chessmasters that you upset, and lazy cops who want to close cases early), and executed via the electric chair. They place a dry sponge on your head however, and you die a painful death.

I wish my processor was faster. Burning DVDs take forever!

[Caesar]

Granted. Your computer has been tied to a monkey that runs after a banana, rotated in circles by a machine. Your processors now move faster as the hull around them does.


I wish that there's enough supplies on earth to supply every human indefinitely with the basic needs (food, water, shelter).