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[Rashilul]

Granted, you kick the below poster in the face, several times, until it is battered.

I wish that didn't have to sleep

[Phantom]

Granted, you don't have to sleep, but when you want to you see strange creatures that try to kill you in your dreams, causing wounds when you're awake. You stop sleeping, but you start to get fatigued. Soon, your lack of sleep causes you to do suicide.

I wish that the new X-Com will be good.

[Sensei]

Granted. It's so good, you can't even understand how good it is. How could you philistines understand true art? Oh, you laugh at me now, but I'll show you! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL! AHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I wish my school curriculum wasn't brain-hemorrhagingly stupid.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. It is pure genius, beyond what any mere mortal can comprehend. As such, you think it's brain-hemorrhagingly stupid.

I wish my wish would come true. Not this one, you understand; the one that I made in my head.

[IronyOwl]

Granted. Unfortunately, since it was made in your head, it only came true in your head. This leads to weird results when you try to interact with reality...

I wish I had a granola bar.

[Zyzarda]

Granted.It is poisoned and covered with NEWTS AND ELVES.

[webadict]

Granted. Bears consume your family.

I wish had a sixth sense.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. It is Hypersensitive Nociception Ultra.

I wish I had more chips.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted! Your skin chips off as you move around, exposing your muscle tissue!

I wish my potato crisps werent stale

[Zyzarda]

Granted.They aren't stale.They are petrified.

I wish i had a 3rd eye in the back of my head.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. But it has hair folicles on it, and they all hurt badly.

I wish these potato crisps werent petrified or stale.

[Zyzarda]

Granted.

They are not stale or petrified.They are the most delicious chips you ever tasted.

But they pours about 10 bottles of grease in there,so with your first bite you have an instant heart attack.

I wish I had a new car.

[Naresomez]

Granted, you have a new car. It's on cinder blocks, all the wiring is torn, and most of the chassis is rust, but it's new to you!

I wish Kevin Smith would make a new Clerks movie.

[Zyzarda]

Granted.

He made it,but it was destroyed in a fire and no one but him ever saw it.

Sorry lol.I wish I had a steel suit of armour grafted in into my skin that cant rust or break.

[PTTG??]

I wish that Zyzarda would stop forgetting to wish.