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[Cheddarius]

Granted. It's literally bleach. You convulse in searing agony for a few moments before you die.

I wish I had some siege.

[Phantom]

Granted, you get the new drug, Siege, it sieges your senses! You taste  Magenta and shit purple. You smell sound and barf music.

You are locked up for being crazy.

I wish for an elaborate plot to kill Kim Jong Il, which succeeds.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. Kim Jong Il dies, but you are caught in the process and jailed. For life. Enjoy sharing a bed with a guy named Lucy.

I wish for more napkins.

[Rozenbuddy]

Granted. All of the fans stop and your computer catches fire.

I wish for a chance to meet people in video games, completely of my choice and not of someone else's choice.

I said monitor, not CPU. There are no fans in my monitor.

Granted. You can't find them.

I wish Dwarf Fortress was finished, and Dwarf fortress 2.

[webadict]

Granted. They've been finished for 5 years, but Toady One releases them at random intervals to screw with people.

I wish I had laser vision.

[Keita]

Granted, but you burn out your eyes.

I wish I had a better internet connection

[webadict]

Granted, but you burn out your eyes.

I wish I had a better internet connection

Granted. Your internet connects better, but is so slow that it takes several years to load a singe page.

I wish I had a pebble.

[100killer9]

Granted. Your sodium pebble catches fire in your hand.
I wish I was cooler.

[dragnar]

Granted: You move to the north pole.

I wish reality had an all purpose medicine, like "remedy" from final fantasy.

[Keita]

granted, but it only works on healthy people.

I wish I had some pizza.

[Cheddarius]

Granted. It is one atom of Pizzalinium (the smallest amount of pizza that can be discrete pizza), the last element. Unfortunately, as everyone knows, such elements are unstable. It decays in a few quadrillionths of a second.

I intend no offense, but I wish people would read the rules a little better in my game.

[webadict]

Granted. They interpret that your rules are wrong and continue to ignore them.

I wish I had a trained carp.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. But he throws a temper tantrum and rips your arms off.

I wish for a clean plate.

[webadict]

Granted. I eat all of your food from now on.

I wish I never got older.

[Tradanbattlan]

Granted. Now, every year, you become younger.
Enjoy your negative years in peace.

I wish for this glass of milk to be full once more.