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[Cthulhu]

Granted, US Marshals are attacking your house with lethal force over a relatively minor crime.  You are no longer bored.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

[lordnincompoop]

Granted. Now you know a million billion things to wish for, and you don't know which one of these to with for. Additionally, you now can't wish.

I wish I was omnipotent.

[Googolplexed]

You run out of things to do in your infinite lifespan, try to commit suicide, but you can't.

I wish for the new dwarf fortress version to come out now
Whilst I am in perfect health
Whilst I have a computer, in perfect condition, and with the fastest components out today capable of running dwarf fortress
Whilst I have time to use the Computer
Whilst I can use the computer
The Version is a good one
The Version has no Bugs
The Version Is still Free
Whilst I have internet access
Whilst I am able to access it
It will run as fast, or faster then Dwarf fortress 40d

And if someone corrupts this wish, Don't you like dwarf fortress

[Nirur Torir]

Granted. It is everything you dreamed of and more. Unfortunately, it becomes a crippling obsession.

I wish I had a popsicle.

[Googolplexed]

Granted. It is everything you dreamed of and more. Unfortunately, it becomes a crippling obsession.

I thought computing was already my crippling obsession 

[ungulateman]

Granted. The flavouring contains hydrochloric acid and your tongue/ hands / throat burn.

I wish I could control lava properly in Dwarf Fortress.

[Phantom]

Granted. You can control lava, but not magma. There is a difference you know. Your fortress burns to death.

I wish for some noodles.

[SolarShado]

Granted, the Flying Spagetti Monster lands on your head. >Insert unfortunate events involving anrgy mobs here.< You die.

I wish for no one to be able to say "That's what she said" ever again.

[lordnincompoop]

Granted. They now say "That's what he said" as a majority of the population becomes homosexual.

I wish I existed.

[SolarShado]

Granted. You existed. Long ago. For a brief instant. Then you forgot to exist and died in an explosion of blood and gore.

I wish 4 1337 2|<i11Z.

[Phantom]

Granted, but the players who actually have the time to correct their grammar kill you. (I can't understand that.)

I wish for rice. Any kind of rice as long as it's not stale.

[Tradanbattlan]

You cook the rice, releasing a deadly gas into the room. The gas condenses into an anthropomorphic gas being, when it then punches you in the throat. Deadly gas men are jerks!

I wish deadly gas men werent such jerks.

[BigFatDwarf]

Granted. They go get switched and become jerkesses instead.

I wish for more jokes involving priests, rabbis and horses.

[Tradanbattlan]

Awesome. Rough gasperson mistresses.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Judas Priest and a rabbit join the Spanish Cavalry ...

I wish it were Wednesday. There is a thing happening Wednesday which I am eagerly awaiting.