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[Naturegirl1999]

Granted. Now you know why to rhyme you need. To insanity it drives you with speed.

I wish to be able to make better rhymes. Ones remembered till the end of times.

Granted! They’re remembered by sentient clocks
who kidnap you with many locks
They force you to eternally rhyme
until your body runs out of time

The wish I make will be corrupt
Regardless, my thought will still go up
My wish is for violence to permanently subside
And for everyone to stop committing suicide and genocide

[King Zultan]

Granted, all suicide and genocide stops when everyone ether dies in a mass suicide or is genocided.

I wish for it to rain beavers every where but at my house. 

[Mathel]

Granted. It still rains beavers all around your house, eventualy piling over it. The splattered and crushed beaver corpses smother all land based life. On top of the piles of beaver corpses, some beavers survive, their fall broken by beavers under them. They resort to canibalism and eventualy die off.

I wish for suicide attempts to be punishable by being exposed to bad puns for the rest of the offender's life.

[Superdorf]

Granted. The endless hell of punnery proves very good indeed at turning attempted suicide cases into actual suicide cases, thus rendering the lives of those so afflicted very short indeed. Really, what did you expect to happen?

I wish the USA wasn't run by cranky old men.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, all cranky old men die, and because old men make up both presidential candidates, one of which is the current president, as well as most of the Legislative and juidicial branches, the USA no longer is a thing, and so it turns into a patchwork of smaller countries, though maybe this is what you wanted?

I wish all nuclear weapons humans made simultaneously teleport to the black hole in the center of the Milky Way

[Mathel]

Granted. Uhh, did you just teleport something into a BLACK HOLE?
The nuclear weapons swap with what was occupying the space they go to. They arrived into collapsed space filled with energy, so they swap with that.
In nuke storage, there is suddenly bunch of collapsed space filled with energy. The energy itself is not massive enough to keep it collapsed (luckily you did not hit the "center" of the black hole), and the space expands to it's regular size. This also frees the energy, which turns into random high-velocity particles (and antiparticles).

At every position where there was a human-nuclear weapon, there is now a tiny new universe. These new universes are easily enough beaten by this old one, resulting in a strange spatial anomaly in this spiral arm of the Milky way. They however manage to destroy Sol system and a few close star systems.


I wish to escape using the TARDIS.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but the doctor gets pissed when he finds you hiding in it and kicks you out into a random place, unlucky for you he kicks you out a few hours before the nukes get swapped for bits of the black hole,

I wish the nukes didn't get swapped for bits of black hole and instead got swapped for random aliens.

[pikachu17]

Some random Mexican immigrants are suddenly surrounded by military men wanting to know how they stole the nukes.

I wish that I became an elephant.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, however your mass is the same, and because you are smaller than every elephant, you freeze to death due to losing more heat than you make

I wish that I can control how plants grow, giving them voices and making them look like humans, so they can interact with humans in a way humans understand

[pikachu17]

The way they can interact with humans that they understand is brutal violence.

I wish to survive that attack of the plant people.

[Mathel]

Granted. You survive because the plant people capture you alive to perform experiments on you.

I wish to arm human armies with correct herbicide grenades.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but all of the grenades are filled with Agent Orange, hope everyone's prepared for the all the harmful effects of Agent Orange exposure.

I wish the plant people would die without having to use Agent Orange.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, they die from being infected and controlled by fungi, who use their corpses as substrate. There are now fungus people instead, who have developed resistance to Agent Orange and Roundup, as well as various toxins

I wish I learn magic

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! Unfortunately, your knowledge backfires on you and your house is consumed in a black hole that sprung up from seemingly nowhere.

I wish for the planet Earth to be immune to the effects of black holes.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, this is accomplished by turning it into a very large neutron star whose magnetic field forces black holes to orbit it and possibly breaking smaller black holes to pieces

I wish to learn how plants become parasites