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[Mathel]

Granted. It was brought back using necromancy.

I wish for the ability to un-tag topics I wrote in..

[Ultimuh]

Granted. Every topic is now u-ntagged for you.
Because the forums don't even register what you write.

I wish I could live my life without having to eat, hydrate, sleep, or even going to the toilet every day. It all just take up so much time that I could be using on other things.

[CABL]

Granted, but since you don't have to do any of these things, the workdays become longer and more stressful. Thanks, Capitalism!

I wish everyone in the world who's younger than 50 was dabbing and T-posing at old people.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, dabbing and T-posing becomes a normal every-day greeting.
Only hipsters greet people the old-fashioned way.

I wish other internet-related things became just as normalized.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! Unfortunately, now that they're normal, it turns out they have a dark side.

I wish for an average rainy day in a bottle.

[Mathel]

Granted. The average rainy day of Antarctica is now in your bottle. In every of your bottles.

I wish for a shatterproof glass bottle of pure oxygen.

[Superdorf]

Granted! It's a very large bottle indeed. You, of course, are inside it.

I wish for a hammer that can shatter unshatterable glass, to rescue Mathel with.

[Sanctume]

Granted.  You freed Mathel with your Hammer Time from the UnShat Bottle.  But you're both inside a rubber room with Airholes, but no exit. 

I wish for pizza delivered via bouncing drones.

[Superdorf]

Granted! The pizza shows up rather the worse for wear. Ah well.

I wish for a lightsaber, with which to cut myself out of this detestable rubber room.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, however you realize that the rubber room was actually inside of another room made of whatever the lightsaber blades are made of

[Mathel]

Not granted.

I wish for full suit of cortosis clothing for me and Superdorf.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! Unfortunately, you now have the song Cortosis by Kevin MacLeod stuck in your head.

I wish for a set of cave spider silk clothing dyed blue with dwarf-made dimple dye and dyed black with sliver dye.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted. However, cave spiders, giant and normal sized, try to take their silk from you

I wish I could speed up the growth of plants at will

[Sanctume]

Granted.  You are now at Will's place where plants growth speed up, but the local pizza joint do not deliver at Will. 

I wish Will and Wife Wilma will wash the Washington Way way so wizza will be welivered.

[Naturegirl1999]

Wish wranted, wevery word wegins with whe wetter w wow. Wood wuck wocumenting winformation wor wizza welivery worms

WI wish wevery word wegan with wa wifferent wetter wand what WI wan wearn wa woding wanguage