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[Imic]

Granted. The beans were improperly prepared, and everyone who eats them is poisoned and dies.

I wish I could be in the audience of QI.

[Mathel]

Granted. The episode is cancelled due to lack of participants.

I wish for those, who do not know about Dwarf Fortress and can read, to be forced to read it's whole changelog.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, the masses riot and destroy your house.

I wish for a comprehensive guide on all facets of Dwarf Fortress.

[Dunamisdeos]

https://dwarffortresswiki.org/ has been bought by a soy company. Visiting the site still grants access to the usual DF information, but also automatically places an order for 5 metric tons of tofu.

I wish for a new sofa.

[Mathel]

Granted. The sofa is made of tofu.

I wish for all tofu to spontaniously combust.

[Superdorf]

Granted! Dunamisdeos' sofa catches fire. Now he's sitting on a heap of flaming tofu. You monster.

I wish for all the tofu to spontaneously extinguish.

[King Zultan]

Granted, a fire extinguisher is thrown onto Dunamisdeos' burning tofu couch, which causes it to explode sending foam and bits of burnt tofu all over Dunamisdeos' living room ruining all his electronics.

I wish someone would fix Dunamisdeos' living room.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, it is fixed so well that the repair person forgot there were supposed to be doors and windows. Dunamisdeos isn’t now trapped inside his room.

I wish for a job

[Sanctume]

You're hired!  Your job is to empty the sewer cisterns using a bucket.  Your first job location is Dunamisdeos' master bathroom. 

I wish for breakfast pizza delivery via drones to daily traffic commute routes.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, every other vehicle is banned to give drones space, humans either have to walk everywhere or volunteer to be delivered to where they need to be

I wish that AIs and humans work to find a way to coexist by changing the economy so that humans working jobs wouldn’t be required to get what they need.
((I am thinking a lot about how our current economy relies on humans working to get money to get what they need, and that AIs and their bodies do things better than humans, and how there will very likely be a point Where humans are no longer hired. If humans are no longer hired for anything, what way is there to legally receive money for things they need? I am hoping humans and AIs can work together to solve this problem))

[IonMatrix]

Your wish is granted, but you forgot to say they have to obey the law. Hilarity ensues.

I wish to be sigged

[Superdorf]

Granted. You've been sigged!
...oh, did you want to say something clever first? Too bad. Your siggy desire has been immortalized in my signature forever. Bwahahaha.

I wish I could do a really good evil laugh whenever I wanted.

[Mathel]

Granted. But also, you do a terrifyingly evil laugh whenever you find something funny.

I wish for all pizza to be delivered by bee drones.

[Sanctume]

Granted! Buzz Lightyear Pizza at your service using our latest B-127 "bumble bee" delivery bots.  Beware the evil robots who are hunting B-127. 

I wish for Star Trek Federation tech to be real, the replicator and infinite power supply: no need for money to pay for electricity, for food (can be replicated), for medical insurance (diseases are curable). 

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, humanity now faces an overpopulation crisis because many more people are being born each day than the amount of people dying each day.

I wish for Neo-Nazis to see sense. (Note: I dislike racism.)