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[Sanctume]

Nuclear Armageddon, then local indie band, came but the concert was cancelled due to ncov virus.

I with for the power to summon any pizza with any topping on demand, in 30 minutes or less. 

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, but each time you do this, the amount of oxygen decreases, a 10 kg pizza would drain 1000 kg of O2 molecules from the room you are in
I wish I can time travel backwards without changing the past

[Mathel]

Granted. You can timetravel backwards to any time where you already lived and posses your past selves senses. You are incapable of influencing their actions and unable to return to your present quickly. You will only return to the present the long way (1s/s), or by your past self being exorcised.

I wish to have a spaceship capable of traveling faster than light and then slowing down repeatedly

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, when you go to test out your spaceship and accelerate to the speed of light, it turns out the manufacturers weren't being honest. You are now infinitely massive and soon undergo gravitational collapse, thus becoming a new black hole.

I wish for a peach-sized neutrino.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted. You get a huge neutrino, that turns into a neutrino sized peach when you touch it

I wish I know everything

[PTTG??]

Granted. Everything you don't already know no longer exists.

[Sanctume]

Your empty wish is granted but it comes with everything also. 

I wish for pocket sized pizza that fit on top of a soda can.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, the pizza begins spraying liquid nitrogen at you when you take a bite.

I wish for a canister of liquid helium.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. It is delivered without the top on, with the bottom facing you.

I wish for mad accountant skills.

[Sanctume]

You have mad account skills.  But your spreadsheets end up being a malaware macro in excel that drove you further into madness.

I wish instant pizza in a can-flavored variety pack.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, all pizza is now made of cans
I wish I could give intelligence to other animals

[King Zultan]

Granted, but you can only give them the intelligence of a three month old.

I wish for zebras.

[Mathel]

Granted. 47 Zebras are in your bathroom.

I wish for imuntity to all poisons.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, however, your immune system starts destroying blood and water, because too much of them are toxic. In less than a month, your corpse is a died bloodless husk.

I wish I can laugh quietly enough to not wake up my roommates

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! However, your laughs now sound like those of your roommates' worst nightmares.

I wish for a copy of James and the Giant Peach.