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[Naturegirl1999]

Granted, however, when you put it on, you attract an army of 1000 raccoons

I wish that people stop being racist

[Superdorf]

Granted! With the dawn of artificial intelligence, everybody discriminates against robots instead.

I wish for cardboard.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Granted! But, your cardboard is on fire.

I wish for an oversized chocolate cake.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted. You wake up in a room you’ve never been in, you hear a robot mention that after tests there will be cake. A blue portal opens on one of the walls

[Superdorf]

I wish for a portal gun.

[Mathel]

Granted. You get stage 1 portal gun. You can make blue portals, but not orange ones. The only orange one is on a ceiling above a pool with box jellyfish.

I wish for a squirtgun that shoots oil without being damaged or clogged.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but every time you shoot it the thing hit instantly catches fire.

I wish for several onions.

[wierd]

Your wish is granted: All over the world, onions die mysteriously.  The devastation is profound.  By the end of it all, only a small handful of individual onion plants survive.  You now have several onions, where there were once millions.


I wish I could afford healthcare

[Greiger]

Granted you can afford healthcare from a doctor named Joe in a stained white jacket operating out of a back alley.   Joe's doctorate is in Native American Studies.  Joe also happens to be a rabid badger.

I wish I had the superpower of punishing evildoers and bad drivers by making them get the baby shark song stuck in their head.

[Mathel]

Granted. You now have the power to conjure a vinil record with the baby shark song and lodge it in the head of a person who is both a bad driver and an evildoer. This power is usable once per 13 years.

I wish to meet a cyborg racoon.

[NRDL]

Granted. The Cyborg Racoon stuns you and eats you alive. Cause racoons actually do that to their prey.

I wish for super strength, and all other necessary secondary powers that come with it.

[King Zultan]

You get your super strength, and some secondary powers such as super farts, super diarrhea, super bad smell, and super brain damage.

I wish for some candy.

[Mathel]

Granted. You get candy that turns people into racoons. Given to you by two red headed men.

I wish for a racoon that is unable to deal lethal damage.

[WyrdByrd]

Granted. The raccoon never kills anybody, but instead leaves them in a state that has them begging for death, something that can never be granted based on the alterations the raccoon made to them.
I wish to understand raccoons.

[Naturegirl1999]

Granted. It turns out they are plotting to take over the world, and as you are tho only human who understands them, you are now their ambassador and translator. If you don’t help them, they will kill you and find a human baby to raise so they may become the translator

I wish mobile game ads would stop showing lies about what the games are