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[Mathel]

Granted. Sadly, you were not assigned any wishes.

I wish for 20 D&D style immovable rods, stored in a box, with buttons pointing towards the lid.

[Kagus]

Granted. Some random egghead walks up and just fuckin' suplexes the whole box. Damn.


I wish I knew what to do with all these theater props that suddenly appeared in my house.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted. You write a script for a play, but the script is lost just hours later in a fire-related incident.

I wish I could stretch and squish time at will.

[CABL]

Granted. Eldritch Beings don't like that a mere mortal has such power, so they team up and skewer you with their tentacles.

I wish for a device that can burn some fat/calories away without hurting me or causing any other problems.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but you leave it on to long and burn off all your fat/calories and some other stuff, leaving you malnourished.

I wish for everyone on Earth to be given a cat.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted, everyone on earth is gifted one large farming equipment.

Naturally it is gifted without warning and begins it's existence just above their heads.

I wish for a guinea pig, aka Cavia porcellus.

[Mathel]

Granted. It has babies, the escape and infest your house.

I wish for a ring of D&D 3.5 Wall of Stone (1/short rest, caster level=20).

[Liquefied Spleens]

Granted, every time you take a short rest a five inch thick wall of stone will surround you. Don't worry, you can probably climb out, but damn if the collateral damage isn't a pain. Also, there is a tiny wall of stone stopping you from removing the ring around your chosen finger.

I wish I had an infinitely regenerating slice of pizza with my choice of topping that can't cause me to change weight. This slice cannot be attached to my body, nor can it gather its mass from my body at a distance.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted, it takes its mass from the person closest to you, that is not you, at any given moment.

I wish for a modern supercomputer to play Dwarf Fortress on, for which I don't have to pay the electrical bills for.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you don't have to pay the electric bill, but you do have to pay the monthly rental fee of two thousand dollars.

I wish for free alcohol.

[CABL]

Granted. You can't fit every bottle in your fridge, though, because there's so many.

I wish for the current president of Brazil to be turned into a cheese pie.

[scourge728]

Granted, but someone worse takes over
I wish for happiness

[KittyTac]

Granted, you are happy for one second before going back to whatever your emotional state was before the wish.

I wish for kittens.

[Mathel]

Granted. You suddenly give birth to 10 kittens.

I wish to have the ability to create optical and accoustic illusions.

[methylatedspirit]

Granted, but your power cannot be directed to any one person. Instead, the intensity of your illusions to any person is proportional to the square of the inverse of the distance between you and them. Since you are the closest person to yourself, you will feel the illusions most strongly. In other words, you gain the ability to make yourself hallucinate with the side effect that people near you also hallucinate, albeit not as strongly.

I wish to have a correct proof of the Riemann hypothesis, along with all of the insights that would be necessary to solve such a far-reaching problem.