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[pikachu17]

Granted. It only hurts 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the time.

I wish I was a winged purple people eater.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but you are still on Earth and there are no purple people to eat so you starve.

I wish for one lead ingot.

[Kagus]

Granted, but after the first record drops it becomes clear that the magic of his performances was based off of teamwork and a personal relationship of mutual understanding with the other Ingots, and that as a solo artist he simply doesn't have the style or skill to go it alone. In a drunken stupor he tries to reconnect with the old band, but they've been snubbed by his abandonment of the rest of the group and the gap between them only widens.

Wallowing in failure and the fickleness of fame, the former lead Ingot falls into a downward spiral of drugs and poverty while the rest of the world forgets him. The remaining band members try and fail to find a replacement, and eventually the Ingots officially disband. They now are primarily booked for wedding receptions and children's birthdays, the light of their former glory days permanently behind them.


I wish I'd done something constructive today.

[pikachu17]

You constructed an atom bomb. It goes off in front of you.

I wish there were purple people for me to eat.

[scourge728]

Granted. But you are no longer a purple people eater, so you get nothing out of it.
I wish for walrus

[Imic]

Granted. A walrus falls from the heavens and lands on you, transforming you into red paint.
I wish for immortality. (With an off switch)

[pikachu17]

The off switch is continuously pulled. You die of old age.

I wish for immortality that I could turn off if I wanted to.

[KittyTac]

Granted. You are hypnotized into not wanting immortality, and you die of old age.

I wish for immortality that I can turn off only with my conscious decision not influenced by anyone.

[Mathel]

Granted. As you are celebrating your newly gained immortality, someone decapitates you and puts your head into a jar of sulphurous acid. The pain prevents you from focusing enough to decide about anything.

I wish for all humans and other creatures of Earth to gain perfectly accurate regeneration, not limited by talomers.

[pikachu17]

(what the hell is a talomer?)

[wierd]

Granted. Since polymerized beef fat has no bearing on cell senescence, telomere  breakdown proceeds as normal. People experience perfect regeneration, but then suddenly get extreme rapid-onset tissue loss as apoptosis kicks in.

I wish my sore throat would go away.

[King Zultan]

Granted, your sore throat goes away, because you can no longer feel pain or anything else, your are now permanently numb.

I wish for toast.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, But I steal it from you!

I wish for teleportation to a safe location so I can enjoy the stolen toast in peace.

[Kagus]

Granted, you teleport along with the toast to a secluded, isolated bunker. Unfortunately, you soon realize that it is a bad idea to teleport bread. Especially when you're now stuck with it inside of a secluded, isolated bunker.

I wish for a wand of digging.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. You obtain a magical wand that periodically offers snide, very pointed criticism of every action you take.

I wish for a door to the bunker.