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[KitRougard]

It turns out that human blood is quite delicious! Congratulations, you are now a vampire being hunted down to get staked and burned. The blood itself didn't do it, you just kinda got addicted to the flavor.

I wish I didn't suck at coming up with wishes.

[GPeter]

The genie that you're asking for the wishes got irritated and killed you.


I wish some fresh air

[IndigoFenix]

You get some fresh air injected directly into your bloodstream, which kills you.

I wish for the power to shapeshift into anything I want.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but its permanent and you can only change once.

I wish it would rain potatoes.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted, while you are outside. It rains potatoes at a rate of 20lb/s, and only in a radius of 5 feet around yourself. You take 50/d10 bludgeoning.

I wish for some lettuce, and a tomato.

[TrickleJest]

The tomato and lettuce begin speaking. You check if someone slipped something into your drink, but then find that you're just stuck in VeggieTales. Always remember that Christ loves you, and you too can become a singing vegetable if you want to.

I wish that I could be the fastest typer in the world.

[pikachu17]

Everyone else goes to a different world.
I wish for world peas.

[King Zultan]

Granted, the Earth turns in to a gigantic pea, and it only takes a few days to completely rot away, which causes everyone to die.

I wish that all life was replaced with lemons.

[Lord_lemonpie]

Granted. Every living cell is replaced by a full lemon. However, as lemons are also composed of living cells, their cells are also replaced by lemons. This creates an endless cycle of lemony goodness, quickly filling the entire universe with lemons and eventually shattering reality as the combined mass of these lemons creates a massive black hole.

I wish drugs only had their pleasant effects

[TrickleJest]

Granted. Addiction is neither pleasant nor unpleasant, so it persists. You get addicted to all kinds of drugs imaginable, and the people making them raise prices so high that you end up homeless.

I wish there were no homeless people. (There's an easy way to corrupt this one, but if anyone can think of something funnier, then go ahead).

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted, everyone is dead, no homeless people now. The end. Wish genie has an appointment and is in a hurry. Goodbye.

I wish for chicken soup.

[Ultimuh]

Granted. You dop it on your feet and scald yourself.

I wish for less direct (and indirect) death in these wish grantings.

[KitRougard]

Well, they now leave you in comas and as amputees 1000% more often, making it like 95% of all wish ends. The remaining 5% is death, down from 80.

I wish that this wish would be taken for what is intended rather than "as read."

[wierd]

Granted.  Humanity has been granted (near)immortality.  With all its horrors. (see also, this possible interpretation)

I wish people would be more careful about what they wish for.

[King Zultan]

Granted, now everyone's so careful of what they wish for that they don't wish for anything out of fear that it could be misinterpreted and cause harm to themselves and those around them.

I wish that everyday was Christmas.