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[KitRougard]

This baseball is delivered at 1/10th the speed of light (see the related XCKD What If? question.).

I wish that I didn't have to eat to survive.

[Rockeater]

Granted, your body will naturally release enzymes to your surrounding to break down and give you organic material, you are quickly outcasts from socaity for destroying almost everything close to you.

I wish I didn't need organic material.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you don't need organic material, so you spend the rest of your life in a cave, eating rocks.

I wish for zebras to replace all the humans.

[Iris]

Granted. Every human is now a zebra. Due to a variety of reasons, including but not limited to low intelligence and lack of opposable thumbs, the world is heavily radioactive within days and the survivors are dead in weeks.

I wish I had more free time.

[scourge728]

granted, you lose your job, and any other obligations, and are unable to obtain any of the sort, this includes but is not limited to: Any sort of plan that you might want to make

[pikachu17]

I wish people would remember to make wishes.

[KitRougard]

But alas, their wish-making is all poorly worded and their collective foolishness brings the end of the world within SECONDS.
I wish for the death of the Sonic the Hedgehog movie.

[CABL]

Granted. The movie gets banned due to the reports of the watchers suddenly developing brain cancer. In other words: It got banned, but it also gave people brain cancer, so it's not without casualties.

((Wait, this is not a joke?))

I wish Russian politicians weren't cartoonishly greedy and evil. No, scratch that: I wish politicians in general weren't cartoonishly greedy and evil.

[wierd]

Granted.  Politicians are now underhanded, and obscenely competent at being evil.  They appear to be normal people in every capacity, UNTIL they enter office. In fact, as soon as they enter office, they BECOME evil in exactly this manner.  Every orphanage they open also doubles as a secret child sex ring.  Every homeless shelter doubles as a Tuskegee syphilis experiment analog.  100% of the time.  Simply by taking office.  You of course, never, EVER find out about it, due to their obscene competence in their conduction of their nefarious and evil acts.

I wish I was not so good at being an evil genie.

[CABL]

Granted. From now on, you're a very kind and joyful genie that can only grants wishes like, "I wish for world peace", "I wish for a bucketful of cute kittens", and so on.

I wish for a bucketful of cute kittens.

[King Zultan]

Granted, you get a bucketful of what have to be the ugliest kittens you've ever seen.

I wish for one zebra.

[GPeter]

Granted, you put your zebra in your zoo but it escapes and goes to Africa to have some vacation.

I wish I could drive a Real-Life truck as easily as in Euro Truck Simulator 2

[KitRougard]

CUE THE PHYSICS GLITCHES!

I wish that I COULD smell colors with my eyes.

[wierd]

Granted. You now have synesthesia.  Sadly, many of the colors smell and or, taste, offensive.  For example, brown. It smells and tastes like excrement.  Every time you see it, you experience the full sensation of a mouthful of the stuff.  Similarly for green.  It tastes and smells like vomit. Did I mention your girlfriend wants to take you out to admire the trees this spring?  (and that she has brown hair?)

Have fun!

I wish I had real genie powers.

[Ultimuh]

Granted.
But with phenomenal cosmic power, comes ity bity living space.


I wish for something tasty to drink, that won't harm me in any way.
(A bit fed up with of tap water, and I am at the moment too lazy to go out buying something else.)