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[pikachu17]

You are crushed beneath their weight.

I wish I had an army tank.

[Mathel]

Granted. The army demands to have it back. It uses 20 other tanks to do so.

I wish to be immortal.

[KittyTac]

Granted. You are immortal, but you are floating in space, putting you in an And I Must Scream situation.

I wish for kittens.

[King Zultan]

Granted, they appear inside of you and began to tear their way out.

I wish for one thousand dollars.

[CABL]

Granted. You get 1000 Zimbabwean dollars, which is 2.76 USD.

I wish I was better at navigating, both in Real Life and video games.

[Dunamisdeos]

You are gifted with REVERSE NAVIGATION, in which while playing video games you have the ability to plot IRL directions perfectly in your head, but IRL you suddenly remember how to get to that place you were looking for in [video game].

I wish for a toy plastic robot.

[Doubloon-Seven]

Granted. The toy is a chinese bootleg made in a sweatshop, and is covered in toxins that cause convulsions upon touch.

I wish for a single atom of neon.

[King Zultan]

Granted, but you lose it immediately.

I wish for a ingot of lead.

[Mathel]

Granted. A 3m³ ingot of lead is placed on your roof. The roof caves in.

I wish to have a steel mace shell filled with lead.

[KittyTac]

Granted. It's in the hands of an assassin out to kill you.

I wish for a dump truck full of kittens.

[spazyak]

You get a dump truck full of kittens, the ones at the bottom don't do well and Are crushed or asphyxiated by the weight of the ones above, you monster

I wish I could have all the money I need without working

[Mathel]

Granted. The thing is, you do not actually need that much money. You get exactly enough money to feed yourself and pay rent.

I wish for a spell that summons a bigger fish.

[King Zultan]

Granted, now every time you open your mouth you summon a big fish that falls from the sky and lands on your head.

I wish to be safe from falling fish.

[pikachu17]

You are instead hit by a falling elephant. Its corpse prevents your corpse from being hit by fish.

I wish that I could turn back time.

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted! Unfortunately, you have no control over how far back you can go, and you have no way to go forward - so when you accidentally go back to the Cretaceous era, you're stuck there.

I wish someone would give me a blue shirt.