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[Lunardog15]

granted they spend 5 hours updating to the latest version of windows vista
i wish that everyone was happy 

[Iris]

Granted. This is achieved by mind-altering drugs, driving everyone mad.

I wish I had a spaceship.

[Ultimuh]

Granted. You have to assemble it yourself.


I wish people here granted wishes simply, and without direct malice.

[pikachu17]

They grant wishes stupidly and with indirect malice.

I wish I was WWE champion.

[Hanslanda]

Granted, you die winning your belt.

I wish my corruption of that wish was better.

[pikachu17]

I go to jail from killing Hanslanda during my championship match.

I wish I successfully escaped from jail.

[Lunardog15]

you escaped by being eaten by a house cat
I wish I had a army of cats that would not kill me or cause death to me

[FallacyofUrist]

Granted. As their general, you must necessarily be able to speak to them and give them orders. Naturally, this means you must be a cat, and so you are.

I wish for the impossible to happen.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, I become an all powerful being! You get a cookie for your aid.

I wish for Fallacy to get EVEN MORE cookies!

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
He Gets them 2,000 years later

I wish for a Lifetime supply of Food

[Mathel]

Granted. You get enough dog food for you not to go hungry for the rest of your life, but no other food. You die of scurvy.

I wish for everyone to have an easily carriable device, which when a sentence is spoken near it will send 1 of these accoustic signals, assigned correctly.

1. Speaker believes at least 1 statement in the sentence to be false.
2. At least 1 statement in the sentence is a tautology. (Ex. "I am here.")
3. Speaker is not certain about thrutfulness of at least 1 statement.
4. Sentence does not contain any statements.
5. Speaker believes all statements in the sentence to be true.

If multiple ones apply, the one with lesser number is chosen. It only evaluates statements, not questions nor orders.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. However, it also reads thoughts, resulting in a constant cacophony of confusion. Also it's easily able to be carried because it is implanted into your brain, and also it is nuclear powered.

I wish for less coffee.

[Lunardog15]

this is actually already happening due to global warming
i wish that we would stop killing the earth

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
We start killing each other instead

I wish that reality is not that Dark

[Lunardog15]

granted everyone is now blind from the amount of light
I wish the people would make more puns on here