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[Baffler]

Granted. It's excellent, with a low budget but flawless cinematography, heartfelt performances by masterfully cast actors, and surprisingly good CGI and effects; but the audience is so small and the production value so low that no major studio or theatre chain is willing to pick it up. The movie is released to little fanfare at a badly selected indie film festival. The film is lost a few years later, and you go your whole life having never seen it or even knowing it existed.

I wish for this wish not to backfire.

[Cyne-Wulf]

Granted, the wish does not backfire, but Bob the cableguy dies in an unfortunate accident RIP Bob the Cableguy.

I wish Bob the Cableguy didn't suffer such a cruel fate, while I and those I care about also do not die or get injured.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

Granted, but Steve the Electrician and Joe the Plumber die to make up for Bob the Cableguy's resurrection

I wish I could summon monsters that I picture in my mind at will, without going mad and in control of them.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, but in summoning them you, yourself, become a mindless monster- losing all sense of identity you once possessed.

I wish for a good nights sleep.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

Granted, but you shall sleep for eternity unless Pope Francis is rude to someone.

I wish the english alphabet had 27 letters instead

[pikachu17]

Grānted.

I wish thāt English only hād the regulār 26 letters.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

Granted, but the number 0 has been replaced by a Q

I wish I had $1,QQQ,QQQ,QQQ in my bank account, it wasn't stolen, illegal or anything else that would result in me getting arrested and/or losing the money and I was the only person who knew about it.

[pikachu17]

Granted. However, since the bank teller doesn't know about the money, you can't take the money out of the bank. It's not losing the money though, as you never had the money in the first place.

I wish I had an awesome mustache.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

Granted, but it's on your forehead and gets in your eyes.

I wish pikachu17 had an awesome mustache on his upper lip.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, but seeing it causes it to spread memetically to anyone and anything with eyes and soon he is quarantined and shaved to prevent the mustache from spreading and taking over the entire world.

I wish I could style my own hair perfectly without having to learn anything about it and with very little physical effort.

[pikachu17]

Granted. You are physically capable of doing so. However everything else you is incredibly imperfect, until you I'll yourself out of shame.

I wish that Paxiecrunchie would not kill himself out of shame.

[Cadeyrn Heffernan]

Granted, he just lives with the pain of his own imperfection, until someone scalps him for his perfect hair.

I wish I was as smart as Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, with the creative genius of Mercedes Lackey and Isaac Asimov.

[pikachu17]

A mind flayer eats your brain, and comments on how delicious it is.

I wish I had a loyal army.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, you have an army of inanimate snowmen.
Too bad it will only last until summer, or an unusual hot day.


I wish for a fairly large meteor (not so large to cause a global crisis though) to hit the FCC/Verzion/Comcast headquarters.

[Khan Boyzitbig]

Granted, though small the asteroid is Tiberium rich and causes the First Tiberium war to break out shortly after with serious ecological consequences.

I wish it would snow overnight in my home city.