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[Ehndras]

Granted: fame and wealth come at great cost, however, and you soon find yourself strung out on meth, blowing strangers to recover a tiny fraction of the fortune you blew on building the ultimate quantum gaming computer.

I wish I had a quantum gaming computer so I could simulate actual N-body physics and not get massive lag spikes while fighting the Ach'rim Triumvirate as my custom Methane-breathing Ach'remoc in Aurora 4X. That or rebuild it from scratch with next-gen technology.

[Sir Elventide]

Granted. Unfortunately, you find yourself the target of a horde of murderous gamers who envied your computer. It then become something like that wand in Harry Potter, in which it changes hands often and at the murder of its current owners.

I wish that I was a wizard, Larry.

[Puppyguard]

Granted. You can cast a single spell: Conjure fork. It conjures a single fork in your hand. You can only have one fork active at any time.

[AzyWng]

Granted: Larry puts you through you some very strenuous magic training before sending you into battle against an evil wizard called Boldymort. You eventually win, but you wind up dying.

I wish people would remember to wish after granting the wish.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted, but all the wishes are dumb.

I wish for blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

[AzyWng]

Satan "blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh"s onto you. The "blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh" consists of fumes from burning sulfur and stinks up your clothes and body for the rest of the year. People cross the street to keep away from you and the stench, and you wind up getting fired because of your horrible odor.

I wish for a mug of coffee.

[TalonisWolf]

It was poisoned.

I wish for an uncorrupted wish.

[pikachu17]

There is an uncorrupted wish, but I get it. Now I have my old foam sword back.

I wish I had a totally normal domesticated cat.

[Ehndras]

You get a totally normal domesticated cat. Unfortunately, the absence of crazy means he becomes an obese, immobile housecat who promptly dies of heart disease.

I wish I had an army of unquestioningly loyal felines with which I could take over the world: one heart at a time.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, but you're defeated by heartless, feline aliens due to their lack of a heart- they don't like competition.

I wish I were Cthulu.

[pikachu17]

You are Cthulu, Cthulhu's weak cousin, so weak humans are considerably more powerful than him.

I wish that my totally normal domesticated kitten didn't have a heart attack.

[Sir Elventide]

Granted but it has a stroke instead.

I wish for total disease immunity.

[pikachu17]

Granted. Now all diseases are immune to everything. You die horribly from diseases.

I wish I had a cup of deicide.

[Sir Elventide]

Granted. Of course, since you were a god and wasn't aware of that when you drink the deicide, you died instantly.

I wish to be a comedian

[VolcanoQueen]

Granted. However, you never said you wanted to be a good comedian. You're booed off of the stage.

I wish I could shapeshift.