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[Eric Blank]

Granted. But the Super Strong Death Metal Ninja Space Pirate Dolphins declare war on humanity for our attrocities against their aquatic brothers. We are now their slaves.

I wish i always found exactly what im looking for at a low price whenever i needed to buy something

[pikachu17]

Granted. But that is because the zombie apocalypse has happened, thus you don't need to pay any price for those things. However, the zombies bite you, and you spend the rest of eternity as a walking, unthinking skeleton.

I wish I had a glass of completely regular water.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. You get a glass of ice at absolute zero, which is completely regular water. Because of the magic of wishing, it will stay that way forever, and slowly freeze everything it touches as it absorbs all heat.

I wish for something completely irregular to happen to someone who isn't me.

[Dunamisdeos]

Granted. Somewhere in Tibet, an old man sees a bird he's never seen before. You are never made aware.

I wish for an ice cube.

[Maximum Spin]

You get Ice Cube. You wish you'd asked for Ice-T or at least Vanilla Ice to go with him.

I wish I had more time to think of a wish.

[Greatness942]

Granted! Time freezes around you forever. You are unable to age, unable to die, and thus are stuck in a single moment, unable to ever speak to anyone ever again.

I wish more fan fiction was good.

[pikachu17]

Granted. But all of them are horror fics about your horrible death. One of them decides to make it less fictional...

I wish I a Porsche.

[Dunamisdeos]

You are now a Porsche. Unfortunately your owner's son took you out for a joyride and long story short you are now in the ocean.

I wish I owned a Porsche, as in the car.

[Eric Blank]

Granted, its beat the shit up and you can barely keep it in functioning condition, though.

I wish i had $10,000

[Dunamisdeos]

10,000 bucks appears in your living room. They are adult deer. Due to spatial constraints, your home immediately explodes into a seething corona of deer parts and gore. Happy Halloween.

I wish for maybe like a nice pasta dinner with some kind of butter sauce would be nice.

[AzyWng]

You get a pasta dinner that's "maybe" nice.

By maybe, I of course mean absolutely awful. Even the flies don't dare come near it.

Also, the butter sauce is a peanut sauce, that does not pair with the dinner very well at all.

I wish people wouldn't use "maybe" and "like" so much.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but your vocabulary is reduced to only two words:
"Maybe" and "Like".

I wish I could type much much faster.

[VolcanoQueen]

Granted. You now type at near the speed of light, which causes you to immediately break your keyboard. You cannot type at any other speed, and can never use a computer again.

I wish I could figure out how to get my mod to work.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, it works so well that it becomes an Artificial Intelligence and decides you're too adorable to leave in the real world and traps you in the mod with it.

I wish the next two posters had a space battle between their two Galactic Civilizations.

[CABL]

Granted. My Super Strong Death Metal Ninja Space Pirate Dolphins will win!

I wish to have enough money for a plastic operation to become a Super Strong Death Metal Ninja Space Pirate Dolphin.