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[Madman198237]

Granted by default! Everything WAS lava, four point five billion years ago!

I wish for a history of the universe, in book format.

[Maximum Spin]

You get a book of the history of the universe, and it's not even really big or unfathomable or anything. You begin reading it, but fail to notice that it's using the subjunctive mood throughout and is actually a counterfactual history of the universe if it had been created by O. J. Simpson. (Titled If I Did It, naturally.)

I wish the floor really were lava everywhere, okay?

[wierd]

Granted. large rafts of fluffy basaltic lava naturally develop on top of the otherwise turbulent surface of the planet, cool, and solidify.  People standing on them are still technically still standing on lava. Just not 'molten' lava.

The rate at which the planet experiences this subduction and eruption resurfacing is sufficiently slow that people are able to move nearly effortlessly from areas containing wholly sedimentary or metamorphic rocks to those with wholly igneous extrusives, (satisfying the requirements of your wish), and they are able to set up persistent colonies. All floors are in fact made of (cooled) lava, however.


I wish I could go back to sleep.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, You back to sleep in a cryo tube. You wake up millions of years later and have your brain put into a robot.

I wish the floor of every building and the ground was lava, but was unable to melt anything but people(and their equipment) who touched it.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. That happens exactly as you wished. It's awesome. Eventually all the people die of lava and the machines take over, but everyone agrees it was worth it. All the machines agree, I mean. Everyone else is dead. This isn't really a wish-corruption, though, this is pretty much exactly what you asked for.

I wish to survive the lava and have the machines accept me as one of their own.

[Dunamisdeos]

Your brain is put into a robot as a power source. You have no control over the robot, but the robots accept you... as a part of their own.

I wish for robot destroying superpowers.

[bloop_bleep]

Granted. You don't get them, though; the machines do. Due to the sudden ease of killing each other, the machines' society collapses, and is replaced by much harder to kill transcendent entities.

I wish that I had complete control over peoples' minds.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, You laugh evilly as you control people's minds. But as you open your eyes you see the padded walls of an insane asylum.

I wish for myself to gain robot destroying superpowers.

[Dunamisdeos]

You gain Robot, a small metal humanoid who immediately destroys all superpowers. Hyphens are important.

I wish for a steak dinner.

[Eschar]

You get for-a steak dinner: dinner made from the meat of the forums. Hyphens are, as you noted, important.
Also, Puppyguard, your sig is giving me nightmares.

I wish for sufficiently advanced technology.

"Timmy was a player..."

[Puppyguard]

Granted, the following message is permanently imprinted into your left eye via advanced technology:

The DF community is quickly filled with 11 year olds who can't run a fort for more than a month and are illiterate as they come. The Bay12 forums become a sea of spam and cancerous content, and Toady weeps at what his creation has become.

I wish for magic.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted, as your soul is ripped out of your body and used to summon Azathoth.

I wish for an glimpse of an amazingly good future for humanity.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but you only get a glimpse, and quickly forget.

I wish for my soul to be returned.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted, you get your soul back but it's all dirty and gross and you realise you no longer know where it's been, so you throw it away and buy a new one.

I wish for seven.

[pikachu17]

You get seven angry Godzillas.

I wish the Godzillas obeyed my every command.