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[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, a fully grown llama appears inside your stomach tearing you apart from the inside out.

I wish that the previously mentioned, nightmare, drugs, and fire giving unicorns existed throughout the world and were also mildly radioactive.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. They are strewn throughout the world, and, unknown to science, are secretly the true source of the heat and radioactivity in the Earth's core. There are none on the surface, of course.

I wish for the granter of this wish to turn into some kind of bug.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, I become a massive planet eating bug. I consume the earth.

I wish for the granter of this wish to become a tiny bug.

[Maximum Spin]

I have no problems with this.

Granted. I become a tiny parasitic bug that eats you from the inside out, agonizingly.

I wish for even larger bugs to lay eggs in!

[Puppyguard]

Granted, A giant planet eating bug eats you, but before you can lay eggs you are melted by the digestive acid.

I wish for the granter of this wish to swap minds with me.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. You acquire my mind. For a single brilliant moment you can see everything, understand everything, understand how colourless green ideas can sleep furiously and why a raven is like a writing desk. Then you feel your identity riven, shattered, and seared by the unchannelled power of nine-hundred and ninety dark stars whirling around the pillar that supports the world and you scream, and you keep screaming and your scream is only an echo of the fiery cackling laughter of the spinning spheres, and just as you feel certain you cannot take any more and you must pass out you hear a voice from inside yourself say "Perhaps this is too much for you, young one. Let me help." and instantly you are snuffed out altogether and there is nothing more.

Meanwhile I barely notice any change.

I wish for my mind back, though. I need that. And, I mean, it's not like you're using it anymore.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted-You get your mind back, but someone has somehow put a bunch of ransomware and malware on it- might as well still not have one.

I wish life had a heads-up display.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. It inevitably becomes an advertising vector, and one day you get distracted by a pop-up warning you that you have forty-seven viruses detected and need to have your brain cleaned by a professional antivirus tool (only $499.95 for a one-month license!) that also sells herbal viagra, and step in front of a bus.

I wish for the obedience of all living things, and also zombies.

[TalonisWolf]

I wish for the obedience of all living things, and also zombies.

Sure. You forgot Lichs, Ghosts, Poltergeists, some variants of Eldritch/Lovecraftian Horrors, and other assorted nastiness which isn't strictly "living". They are annoyed you forgot about them, and remind you why that was a bad idea.
 
I wish for a friendly A.I, [sarcasm]because I clearly see no way this can go wrong.[/sarcasm]

[Maximum Spin]

You get a friendly AI. It's incredibly friendly and does nothing to harm you or anyone. Why did you think this would go wrong?, it asks, but you know it already knows the answer, because it's smarter than you, and is only asking out of pity. This makes you sad, but then the friendly AI cheers you up.

I wish for a somewhat brusque AI with a heart of gold.

[Stirk]

Granted! You get a friendly Accuracy International firearm. Unfortunately, its golden heart prevents it from shooting even paper targets, making it useless.

I wish for a friendly gun that will still hit its targets.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but only paper targets far away from hostiles.

I wish for some random hobo to become a millionare.

[Maximum Spin]

You receive a friendly gun! It's extraordinarily happy to meet all these new friends you're pointing it at! It fires friendly bullets who are super cheerful about being shot at high speeds toward a glorious painful death. Eventually this weirds you out so much you stop using it.

I wish for a gun with a normal, psychologically healthy emotional range.

Wait, what? No. Never mind. Some random hobo's secret rich great-uncle dies, leaving him exactly one million dollars, but the random hobo ODs in an alley before ever finding out. This is what you wrought by beating me to the punch, Puppyguard. I hope it was worth it.

I wish that Puppyguard feels it was worth it.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Wish granted, some version of puppy guard enjoys it which is so incredibly sick that I really don't feel the need to corrupt it.

I wish It rained lemon juice and broken glass worldwide, every other Tuesday.

[Maximum Spin]

Granted. Everyone else on the planet opens a carbon-fibre umbrella that was provided along with your wish to everyone except you. They also start work on a system of tunnels throughout the world to avoid having to walk on the surface. You are not allowed entry.

I wish the floor really was lava, everywhere.