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[Sir Elventide]

It's all you... after you forced yourself into debt trying to buy it in the first place.

I wish for unlimited beauty!

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted you  are you given an exquisite bottle of perfume labeled "infinite beauty".

 I wish matresses were cheap.

[bloop_bleep]

Granted. However, your highly concentrated infinite beauty creates a beauty singularity, thus collapsing the entire solar system into one, large, beautiful black hole.

I wish animals gained sapience.

EDIT: Ninja'd! I shall answer Paxiecrunchie's wish as well in order to sort out a possible merge conflict.

Granted. Mattresses are now all cheap. They are now all made from hay and rubber bands, too.

I retain my original wish.

[Paxiecrunchle]

Granted, the world rapidly becomes a horror show as talking Tigers lament the murder of hazels screaming and begging for their lives, bears are put on truial for larceny and vandalism, human religions the whole world over are uprooted, zoos become seen as internment camps.

Cockroaches rise up and find the writing of Karl Marx, they modify them to suit their needs and declare that humans must be punished by being subjected to the same conditions they were, a civil war breaks out between domestic dogs looking for new legal status and those still loyal to the humans who have cared for them for years.

The meat industry crashes as people finally start to agree with PETA and armed groups of cattle often outnumbering humans in many areas conduct a brutal guerilla war for their liberation.

The oceans roil as cruise liners, nuclear submarines and most of all fishing vessels are sunk by hiveminded and vegful school of fish, many species United into a common cause.

Eventually the tardigares seeing their chance use the small size to break into nuclear missile silo's around the world and Luke large portions of the planet leaving many areas inhabitable only by them.

A New World order reigns: Pax Tardigradus.



I wish I had fully functional wings that allowed me to fly on the planet earth and that no one found this unusual enough to detain me for this, hopefully this wish is granted in a suitably dramatic fashion.

[Mathel]

Granted. These wings are fully functional only between 0 and 2 km up. Unfortunately, it does not say so in the manual. Only to not fly into the sun. Possibly a misstranslation from greek. You try to jump out of a plane, hoping to get a nice flight, and your wings instantly fall apart. Then you fall to your death, straight onto your country's leader's limousine, which just happens to be there.

I wish to know how to make Damascus Steel.

[Dunamisdeos]

GRANTED. You are now a 5th-century master metalworker. You have no memory of your previous life, and are extremely confused at finding yourself in the year 2017.

I want a nice phone.

[Stirk]

Granted. You get a sentient phone who is incredibly kind. Unfortunately, it is a pay phone. If you don't provide it with a constant stream of quarters, it will die and it will all be your fault.

I wish to have the power to kill or create memes.

[pikachu17]

All of humanity is destroyed by killer memes. You replace humanity with Lolcatz.

I wish that I had the X-box One had a more accurate name.

[Sir Elventide]

It obtains the boring name, "The same thing as the first but just with a reskin" Box, much to the chagrin of everyone.

I wish for a star.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, You get a yellow star that reads: 'kerngarts'

I wish to lose the ability to eat walls.

[Stirk]

Granted. You can no longer eat the cell walls of plants, forcing you to be on an all meat diet. You can't have any seasoning aside from salt. The diet isn't great for either your wallet or your health.

I wish for perfect teeth.

[pikachu17]

Granted. Your perfect teeth are created 2 miles above your head. They fall down, killing you.

I wish for more wishes.

[Paxiecrunchle]

 You are given a list of cards with predetermined wishes on them to submit to you local E-Genie reader, some include "I wish I was dead" "I wish the world was on fire" and the classic "I wish everyone had a kidney stone"

I wish I had a superpower digestive system with teeth that could tear through metal through they could drink magma a tongue that could lick up glass the whole works, and that the rest of my body and brain wouldn't be shrunken or made useless in the process.

[Sir Elventide]

Granted but you sinks like a stone into the ocean due to all the magma you drank.

I wish for a date.

[Derpy Dev]

You have a date all right... WITH DEATH BWAHAHAHAHA!

I wish for inspiration for a D&D campaign.