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[Madman198237]

You have all the time in the world. Sadly, it turns out that that's only about 5 minutes, as you break the laws of physics on accident and the world ends instantly, depriving you of all the time you almost got to use.

[Derpy Dev]

Since Madman did not make a wish, I will.

I wish that I can git gud at DF.

[Madman198237]

You git gud at DF. Since those words are meaningless gibberish in this English-only forum (It is, isn't it? It's been a while since I read the rules, if I ever bothered to. I never do anything that gets me in trouble, anywhere, anyway), you do not actually improve.


I wish I could remember to make wishes at the appropriate wishing times, designated for the wishing of wishes that must be wished at the appropriate wish-wishing times.

[Mathel]

Granted. You now remember to make wishes if you must. But you do no longer make wishes when you only can. And since many life choices are wishes (for example which job to take), you fail to make life choices. You do not die, because the wishes to continue your life you have to do, but your life is terrible.

I wish to have a sword, whose blade can cut through anything except it's scabbard at the and me, at the strength of 10N. It is to also be magically unable to harm me or the scabbard.

[Stirk]

Granted! It cuts through its own handle and falls into the earth.

I wish that teleports would be invented to avoid long drives!

[SOLDIER First]

Granted. It teleports you into a car heading to your destination, at a distance to said destination about equal to that of the distance between your starting position and your destination.

I wish I could play Dark Souls 3 without my laptop reaching almost 200 degrees Fahrenheit.

[Khan Boyzitbig]

Granted but it can only do so at 3 FPS

I wish I had a full suit of Tactical Dreadnought Armour.

[SOLDIER First]

Joke's on you, it runs at 28~30 FPS at the best of times.

Also, granted! NanoTrasen kills you for it.

I wish I could play Dark Souls 3 without my laptop reaching almost 200 degrees Fahrenheit and at reasonable FPS.

[Lenglon]

Granted, it gets installed on your workplace computer. How to find time to play it without being fired? Your problem.

I wishI could fly for miles by surfing on an ordinary paper airplane, and do it reliably too.

[Mathel]

Granted. You can reliably use any paper airplane to fly exactly two miles up.

I wish that United Americans would stop using british imperial measures and insted started using the metric system and SI.

[Stirk]

Granted. America starts using the metric system and SI. After they conquer the rest of the planet, forcing them to use imperial measurements on pain of death.

I wish that everyone would be forced to see the superiority of the cubit system. (You can have a ruler AS AN ARM people! How handy is that?)

[wierd]

Granted, but now everyone's arm span is exactly 1 foot. (We have to keep things consistent.)

I wish that people would stop trying to reinvent the wheel by constantly making needlessly new GUIs.

[heydude6]

Granted, everything looks exactly the same and people get tired of the monotomy.

I wish I could mind control animals

[Derpy Dev]

Granted, but without control. All animals in a one-mile area around you are controlled, and act solely on your impulse, performing random thoughts that come to your mind and becoming easily distracted by random objects.

I wish that the next post contains every letter of the alphabet (cause why not).

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but you have to manually search for each letter of the alphabet yourself, making it very difficult for you to find and see all of the letters. Other people will probably have to search too, and zig-zag through looking for a letter or two. Soon it becomes a job for the population, simply looking through this post constantly to make sure it has all of the letters of the alphabet. A quiz is even established on it, and boxes are made for this quiz. A new point system for this quiz is labeled 'kudos'.

I wish for the granter of this wish to be cursed into an eternal jig, never able to sit down.