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[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. "Something Appropriate" is now the name of the town, and you're it's mayor. And it's only citizen.

I wish for a kitten that will not harm me, cannot be turned into a cutlet, is alive, and will not be blind, deaf, incontinent, or prone to shedding

[CABL]

Granted. The kitty is caught by the same psychotic, meth-addicted, Khorne-worshipping neighbour of yours, but the kitty this time will be turned into very small, but delicious sausages.

I wish for a sequel to Tommy Wiseau's "The Room", and I also want it to be even better than the original.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. In it Tommy Wiseau expresses his struggles with keeping his identity as DB Cooper secret all these years, and is afterwards incarcerated due to his bold cinematic confession.

I wish for +20 on all CHA rolls

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but all your other stats are 2 and the other party members don't like you, and have natural +40 on their CHA rolls, causing your attempts to persuade them to auto fail. Your race is also set to kender.

I wish for a puppy.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. It's an immortal puppy who has tasted all this world has to offer and suffers from existential fatigue. It's up to you to provide emotional support to this bottomless depression.

I wish to always make the best and most impressive entrance.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, you impress everyone you meet, but then unimpress them because you make the worst and most unimpressive exit.

I wish for a puppy

[Mathel]

Granted. A puppy falls on your head at it's terminal velocity, killing you both.

I wish that something ridiculous and safe for me happens near me every day. And it has to be alway something different.

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. A ridiculous safe falls on your head, killing you instantly.

I wish for a kitten that will not harm me, cannot be turned into a cutlet or sausage(s), is alive, and will not be blind, deaf, incontinent, or prone to shedding

[Nirur Torir]

A kitten that won't harm you? Tough one .. Alright! You get a kitten, but it's a total couch potato, and one of those permanently-bald breeds.

I wish I had one of those cool oil lamps like from Aladdin. Not one with a genie in it, just the lamp.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but its possessed by a ghost! The ghost trades bodies with you and runs away, leaving you inside the lamp.

I wish for a puppy.

[Stirk]

Granted, you get a puppy! However, the puppy was owned by John Wick. He hunts you down to get it back.

I wish automatic weapons were legal and cheap!

[Madman198237]

Automatic weapons are so cheap and legal that your nemesis now has like 400, and he rigged them up to shoot you.
You're dead.

I wish for a tank.

[Nirur Torir]

Granted, it's a perfectly functioning Abrams tank, legally yours.

It's in downtown New York City, in a garage infamous for hooligans stealing fuel from vehicles. Good luck getting it out.

I wish to start a roll-to-dodge game about construction companies in a world of superheroes.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but the superheros quit and the companies go bankrupt. Your game doesn't make it past the second page.

I wish for a puppy that no one will hunt me down for.

[Nirur Torir]

Granted, have this puppy, but know in your heart that it will never love you.

I wish I could type at 300 WPM.