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[Twinwolf]

Granted. You get a puppy. The puppy is possessed by a demon.

I wish Puppyguard would wish for something besides puppies.

[CABL]

Granted. His next wish will be related to Hell, a small town in Michigan.

I wish to speak like this charming fellow.

[Mallos]

Granted. You now speak exactly like the Daemon Prince from WH40k Dawn of War, but can only speak in phrases uttered by him within the game. At first, people fear and respect you. Then they notice your range of sentences is highly limited and mock you by trying to predict which one you'll use next. Nobody ever takes you seriously for the rest of your life, and you die homeless in the cold (as nobody wants an employee who can only speak in exact quotes of a character from a video game) at the ripe old age of 38.

I wish for twenty dollar bills in cash. I want these dollars to be printed from a legitimate mint in the USA during 1999 on planet Earth, as in the Earth that I live on in this current timeline and dimension. They must be completely legitimate and legal, and in good enough condition to be used to buy goods. These dollars bills should also be indestructible and never separate from my person until I intend to use them in a legal exchange of currency for wanted goods.

[Khan Boyzitbig]

Granted, the US Dollar Crashes so badly that the Zimbabwe Dollar is now more valuable.

I wish I had a set of nuclear powered teeth.

[CABL]

Granted. You mutate into nuclear, bloodthirsty abomination. You kill a lot of people, but you eventually get defeated by scientists and US Marine Corps.

I wish Descan became a god.

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. He becomes a minor god of confections and treats, and accidentally turns you into a cheesecake while messing around with his newfound powers.

I wish for a kitten that is not blind, deaf, incontinent, or prone to shedding

[Mathel]

Granted. You get a kitten. It is dead.

I wish that both german, roman, greek and slavic mythologies all become real today and stay real forever. This is related to this timeline.

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. A talking bear comes and rips you a new asshole before a witch sacrifices you to some crazy one eyed dude by spilling your guts while you still breathe.

I wish for a living kitten that isn't blind, deaf, incontinent or prone to shedding

[CABL]

Granted. For some unknown reason, the kitty wants to kill you and it does!

I wish that the next 10 posts will be bear puns.

[Mathel]

Granted. I can not bear the excitement.

I wish that the next 9 posts are unbearable.

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. The next 9 posts will be unbearable to someone, somewhere, I'm sure.

I wish for a kitten that will not harm me, is alive, and will not be blind, deaf, incontinent, or prone to shedding

[CABL]

Granted. The kitty is caught by your psychotic, meth-addict, Khorne-worshipping neighbour, and turned into a cutlet for his home-made cheeseburger.

I wish the next post contained a Nicholas Cage picture.

[Mathel]

Granted.

I wish that I get a load bear. A bear that if killed, whatever he is in collapses.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Your bear is assassinated in the line of duty while he's with you in the sub-basement of a skyscraper.

I wish that the rest of the forum aside from me would become baby animals so that they stop wishing for them.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but they teleport next to you and they're all baby rexes that instantly become starving.
A few minutes after they devour your corpse.

I wish for a small town in Michigan named hell to be renamed to something appropriate.