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[Mathel]

Granted. It is a cutting class laser and your eyelids are not immune. You cut or light on fire anything you look at, untill someone kills you to protect everyone.

I wish to have a "lightsaber" from Star Wars.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, You get a lightsaber from star wars.
While moving it around somewhat close to your face, you cut off your nose.
In reaction to cutting off your nose you flail around cutting your other arm off.
While screaming from doing this you proceed to accidentally slice through your cranium.

I wish I could eat anything without it tasting bad and still giving me sufficient nutrition.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. You are a Chlorine-Trifluoride fire and will consume anything, though as a fire you require constant fuel.

I wish to be the greatest GM (in the RPG sense) of all time

[CABL]

Granted. But you only can GM FATAL RPG. In any other decent (or not-so decent) TRPG, you're always a player and not even a good one!

I wish to become MLG Pro at Crusader Kings II.

[Rethi-Eli]

You become an MLG Pro. The game loses its appeal, and you lose your teeth from drinking too much Mountain Dew. Your fingers are permanently stained a sickly yellow-orange from dorito dust that has leached into your skin, and you constantly smell faintly of weed. You're unable to secure a job and lose your house, living on the streets and eating the cheapest foods there are, which are coincidentally Mountain Dew and doritos.

I WISH FOR A PUPPER

[Puppyguard]

Granted. You get a cheap cardboard sign saying 'Pupper' in big bold text.

I wish for some toast.

[WillowLuman]

No, Puppyguard, you ARE some toast.

I wish for STANDO POWAH

[Puppyguard]

Granted, a tiny man by the name of Stando Powah materializes in your hand.
You are good friends for many years until you accidentally squish him.

I wish for a videogame that provides unlimited entertainment.

[WillowLuman]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I wish for unlimited rice pudding

[Rethi-Eli]

Wish granted. It doesn't taste very good, since it's made with wild rice that's barely edible.

I wish for friendly snakes to rain from the sky

[Puppyguard]

Granted. Friendly snakes rain from the sky all over the earth. They devour all the birds causing the insect population to skyrocket.
Massive locust swarms over a mile wide devour every single plant on earth, causing the oxygen levels to plummet drastically.
Needless to say, everything dies.

I wish was invincible and could live forever without aging past 20!

[Mathel]

Granted. But invincible means undefeatable, not unharmable. That would be invulnerable. So, while nobody can defeat you at anything, you do slowly accumulate scars and other permanent wounds. Evnetually you have so much scar tissue, that you can no longer move and are in permanent pain.

I wish to be completly immune to all diseases (including all types of cancer), have 100% quality regeneration, so scars will not form and I will regrow lost bodyparts, to not age past 25 years and to repell all projectiles with force linearly increasing with their mass and quadraticly increasing with their speed.

[crazyabe]

Granted ...365 years later... The Government has captured you, and has Put you to Work as the Ultimate bodypart Donor as you will always be able to give a Kidney or two, half a heart, And a Full set of Limbs EVERY DAY. Everyone you Knew has Died of old age, Including the first 6 Generations of your descendants, Which has Driven you insane. And because of all that you have repeatedly attempted Suicide, it will never work because of your healing factor.


I Wish Me, my Greatest love, and all of my descendants had his Healing factor.

[Puppyguard]

Granted. You are inevitably captured because you are not immune to being smacked over the head.
You are crammed in cryo to never be seen again.

I wish I was invincible, invulnerable, had that healing factor, able to teleport anywhere at any speed, and never depressed.

[Mathel]

Granted. Alas, teleporting anywhere makes you teleport to random location within the universe. You die of suffocation, as most of the universe has no air and invulnerability does not protect against that (though it saves you from your chest bursting after the first teleport into vacuum).

I wish I was invincible, invulnerable, immune to poisons and diseses and had a thing that gives unlimited good food and clean water.