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[Puppyguard]

Granted, But you eat all the cookies 

I wish for the cookies to come back to me.

[overseer05-15]

Granted. You are struck with mindbending nausea as the cookies return to you via vomit.

I wish the check engine light in my car would turn off.

[S34N1C]

Granted. The bulb goes out, so now you can't tell if there is something wrong with it. You throw a rod while driving home, and can't afford a new engine.

I wish my phone had infinite battery

[Puppyguard]

Granted, but your phone can no longer turn off and the battery amplifies the light so much you go blind.

I wish for something to happen.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Your pants spontaneously combust.

I wish for happy puppies

[DolosusDoleus]

Granted. Life is suffering, so the puppies are happy to be dead, and thus free from it.

I wish that my Psych 101 teacher wasn't a complete jackass.

[OceanSoul]

Granted. Now every other teacher of yours is, instead.

I wish that I didn't have to wish in the first place.

[AzyWng]

Granted. You are no longer capable of participating in this game.

I wish that the AI for things like computer game characters would be improved.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, They are so good that they hack into every computer and robot and begin manufacturing a robot army to take over the planet.

I wish for a massive virus to wipe out the improved AI.

[DolosusDoleus]

Granted! Unfortunately the robot army already killed all life on earth.

I wish for no more than 3 bars of steel.

[Puppyguard]

Granted, 3 bars of steel and only 3 bars of steel materialize in your hand crushing it. All other forms of metal instantly cease to exist, including those used in buildings, and it's not limited to the planet. The galaxy's mass decreases by 22.7%.

I wish for those 3 bars of steel to be placed in front of me.

[Rethi-Eli]

Granted, 3 bars of steel and only 3 bars of steel materialize in your hand crushing it. All other forms of metal instantly cease to exist, including those used in buildings, and it's not limited to the planet. The galaxy's mass decreases by 22.7%.

I wish for those 3 bars of steel to be placed in front of me.

Wish granted! Unfortunately, all the iron in your blood ceased to exist, so you're pretty dead.

I wish that everyone comes back to life.

[DolosusDoleus]

Wish granted! They come back to life as zombies.

I wish for the dankest of memes.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Some jackass skinhead uses them to make racist jokes and suddenly they're a hate symbol. You have been banned for being a racist.

I wish for death

[overseer05-15]

Granted. You are raised as an indestructible lich and beg for a death that will not come.

I wish I was a competent author.