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[crazyabe]

Granted, You Get a Life sized Obese Orca Plushie which Crushes/suffocates you under it's massive mass.


I Wish I Owned a Construction Company.

[Maegil]

A school your Brazilian construction company built collapsed, crushing over sixty children. A subsequent federal probe linked you to political corruption, overpricing, tax evasion, international organized crime, international monetary fraud, substandard building and bribing inspectors. You're presently on the INTERPOL Red Notice list, and are expected to face over 700 years in prison.

I wish people would start setting politicians on fire.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, unfortunately the presence of several first aid staff nearby manages to save the politician's life and now the politician is using the attacks as a precedent for martial law.

I wish I had a suit of power armour

[Maegil]

Granted:


I wish for coffee and pudding...

[Tomasque]

Granted, but they're in the same cup.

 I wish a wish to wish wished wishes into wishes that wishingly wish when wishing with wishes wishes a wish to wishfully wish in its wishing.

[Maegil]

You get a disrecursionator XYZ 9001

I wish I were better with languages.

[S34N1C]

 Granted. You get better at speaking a different language. You don't know what language it is, or what you're saying, but you can speak it.



I wish for a puppy

[Maegil]

Granted. A puppy tries to come to you but is run over by a car. Yapping and whining in pain and dragging its hind legs, it manages to crawl to you, licks your hand, whines one last time, and dies.

I wish my imagination were less morbid.

[TalonisWolf]

 Granted, now Death, Pain and such concepts are unknown to you. Naturally, without knowing what death means, you consider jumping off a bridge for fun. After all, why not?

 I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

[S34N1C]

Granted. You get exactly what you want.


I wish Trump and Hillary both get assassinated.

[Maegil]

Granted. Dick Cheney takes over with a coup.

I wish the ideals of "Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité" became more than just vague ideas more often than not hypocritically treated by the politicians, and were actively followed as policy by all nations.

[misko27]

Granted. All countries embrace the central ideas of the 18th century French Revolution. Metternich rolls in his grave, and revolution sweeps the world, followed, of course, by bloodletting and Empire.

I wish I was passably good at flirting.

[NJW2000]

Granted. You pass an online exam in it, but do little better in real life.

I wish I could watch Napoleon and Alexander the Great duel.

[TalonisWolf]

Granted. It's a 2 vs. 1 duel with Napoleon and Alexander the Great dueling against you.

I wish the worlds funniest joke.

[Stirk]

Granted! Unfortunately, being a planet, it is a poor joke teller. In fact, it can't even talk.

I wish for omnipotence!