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[Stirk]

Granted! However, the movie is actually about a bunch of C-list actors pretending to be you decorating a confused Johnny Depp with stars. Everyone assumes you are a weirdo freak, and you are kicked out of society.

I wish for three more wishes, none of which may be corrupted.

[Eric Blank]

Granted, but none of them are going to come true regardles. You should have asked for a genie.

I wish for a genie to grant my wishes.

[DAPARROT]

granted, but he just takes your wishes as vague suggestions and does whatever he wants

i wish for a nice genie to grant my wishes

[TD1]

Granted. It's me, and I corrupt every wish you ask for whilst being unbearably nice.

I wish wishes could wish wishes wistfully.

[S.K. Ren]

Granted, but they never come true because wishes can't speak. This causes them to fail their mood and go insane.

I wish I was a better person.

[NRDL]

The wish doesn't come true, cause you learn you were already better than you thought you were.  No change needed.

I wish for good will and peace between all human-kind.

[vkiNm]

Granted, Mankind united to eradicate all other bioform on earth, crippling the Ecology and thus dooming all of humanity to a long, slow and painful extinction.


I wish No Man's Sky was good.

[Gwolfski]

Granted. It is, but you do not know how to jump dimensions and get cool stuff

I wish school was better.

[Maegil]

Granted. Henceforth all teachers are allowed to do whatever necessary to insure that all pupils achieve passing grades, including nominating utterly hopeless cases to the eugenics and euthanasia board. Mankind evolves by giant steps from this Darwinian approach, and enters a new golden age; unfortunately for you, you were one of those considered hopeless.

I hope intelligence-based eugenics become a reality. 50% with full breeding rights, 25% subjected to permission from a multidisciplinary board, and the remaining just euthanised to prevent them from "having accidents" or dragging the others down.
I'm probably in the acceptable region, but even if I weren't, I'd still wish for it (since I'd be too dumb to realize it'd mean my merciful death anyway).

[NJW2000]

Granted. Despite sounding like the scene of a terrifying dystopia, the system works well and fairly and eventually solves all world problems. Human brains grow by 50% over the next thousand years of peace, scientific advancement and prosperity. Then the Alpha Centaurans notice we are rapidly outstripping them in technologically, and destroy our planet of peace-loving intellectuals with quantum space-nukes before we can make contact.

I wish I was an Alpha Centauran with my tentacles around the "fire" button of a load of quantum space-nukes.

[DAPARROT]

granted, you are also the target of said nukes

i wish that i didn't make this wish

[misko27]

Granted. Unfortunately, in order to prevent you from making this wish, we had to go back in time and prevent you from ever being in a position to make that wish. This was bad, and the short version is there are now two timelines: one where you have been crippled (can't post to bay12 without arms), while the other is being horrifically torn apart by a paradox.

I wish the Hurricane would hurry up and hit already.

[Maegil]

Granted. The Hawker Hurricane was quite fast and hit a lot of enemy planes, often shooting them down. Quite a few also hit the ground, but that comes with having a long and distinguished carrier.

I wish for a slice of pudding to go with the coffee.

[Stirk]

Granted! The slice of pudding goes with the coffee. It goes far, far away, where you will never see it again. All the coffee is away from you forever, and you must live your life free of caffeine.

I will for omnipotence!

[Maegil]

EDIT: the career/carrier pun in my previous post went completely unnoticed... sigh...
Well. It wasn't that good anyway!...

Your mother puts you in a sandbox and gives you your favourite bucket and spade. Have fun!

I wish that I were sane.