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[Twinwolf]

Granted. Your hand is now a balloon. It floats away.

I wish for omnipotence.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. You lack the omniscience and omnipresence to use it effectively, however.

I wish for magic tacos.

[Amperzand]

Granted! The tacos are magically sentient and capable of pain.

I wish for the Hanford Site to be cleaned up.

Spoiler: Alternative Twinwolf Grant. Damn ninjas. (click to show/hide)

Granted, you have access to unlimited power. Within half a picosecond, your body has become an expanding sphere of relativistic quark-gluon plasma at energies many orders of magnitude above the Planck Energy. The Earth heats within instants to several million degrees, even as the fireball of your death tears it apart.

[Stirk]

Granted! The Hanford website gets a much needed cleanup.

I wish for a Serbu BFG-50 with a lifetime supply of ammunition.

[NJW2000]

Granted. As it is delivered by a hitman, very little is needed.

I wish for a diagram of the portals of Hell.

[Nakéen]

Granted. You illegally obtain a copyrighted version of the diagram of the portals of Hell, and the devil sues you for copyright violation. Lawsuit ensues, you lose the trial (that was obviously rigged) and your life goes down the drain.

I wish I write impossibly fast.

[Stirk]

Granted. You just did. It's two words, after all, not hard to write.

I wish to have an unlimited food budget.

[Gwolfski]

Granted, it goes through the roof.

I wish for cat-meteors

[Twinwolf]

Granted. They go at such speeds that they are torn apart by wind resistance. The guts land in your face.
All of them. From all 50,000 cats in the meteor shower.

I wish my cat wasn't evil.

[Gwolfski]

Wish failed, cats = evil, just as you cant divide by zero. Well, you can, but you need imaginary numbers, so a not-evil cat is a imaginary cat!

i wish for cat meteors that ere not lethal to all and any cats.

[Adragis]

they aren't but the earth destroy and cat die

I wish bean

[Sosoku234]

Granted. But, chocolate is so good you decided to sacrifice said bean for some of the sweet, sweet and sorta bitter goodness.

I wish I could turn into a cloud of gasoline vapor.

[TheBiggerFish]

You heat up immensely and explode.  Oops.

I wish for snow.

[crazyabe]

granted, it "snows" 2D White painted lead blades that are hexagon shaped.

I wish D666s were used in RTDs.

[Twinwolf]

Granted. RTDs no longer exist because it takes to long to determine what a particular result means.

I wish I had the world's best gaming computer. That was not evil or alive.