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[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, your best friend is a dragon. The dragon is wondering why his next meal is so friendly towards him.

I wish for all the time in the world.

[Maegil]

Granted. The concentration of time warps the space-time continuum, resulting in an entropic singularity that instantly runs you through the universe's heat death; you cease to exist as organized matter.

I wish there were no caries.

[Sosoku234]

Granted.

But, now, the game's dev squad rebalance the heroes/gods(if ye be playin' Smite). Now everybody is exactly as OP as the Carry was.

I wish Magic Cards were made of metal.

[Maegil]

Granted. They are made of plutonium, so they swell, crumble and self-ignite in contact with air or even skin moisture; protective suits block the magic, so you wouldn't be able to use the cards without irradiating and poisoning yourself and everybody around anyway.

I wish I'll have a nice, peaceful weekend without pesky visitors.

[Ultimuh]

Granted, you are stranded on a deserted island.
Enjoy the solitude.



I wish I would not need to work for a month, but still have enough money for living, rent, taxes and basic stuff.

[crazyabe]

Granted, you are a hobo with 50$, and a shady guy told you he might have a job for you in the bank next month...

I wish for several thousand tons of dark matter.

[Lenglon]

Granted, your home is covered in a landslide of poop.

I wish I could heal other peoples injuries simply by lightly touching the injury acompanied by a simple and easy act of will.

[Sosoku234]

Granted. It is also very easy to confuse the act of will to heal with the act of will to light them on fire.

I wish I had a butterfly-knife style minigun.

[Maegil]

Granted. It is also very easy to confuse the act of will to heal with the act of will to light them on fire.

I wish I had a butterfly-knife style minigun.

Granted. Your butterfly-knife style minigun puts mini in a whole different league, and now you have a keyring capable of shooting lots of sand grain-sized bullets.

I wish the fat girl would give it a rest, I'm not a gigolo.

[vkiNm]

Granted, Fat girls put you to rest on your funeral.

I wish for a self-regenerating pizza slice so I can eat it indefinitely. And that it tastes good.

[Maegil]

It regenerates in your bowels. You die atrociously.

I wish I had bought more games on the Steam winter sale.

[Sosoku234]

Granted. In your rush to buy more games from the winter sale, you downloaded one infected with the Gruel Virus.

I wish I wasn't useless.

[Maegil]

Granted. While you still can't blow your own nose, you learned to wipe the snot off with your sleeve. Imagine, it even works on the drool, too!

I wish there were Steam sales more often.

[helmacon]

Granted. Everything is always at least 50% off. Everything is also about 70% more expensive though, so you come out to a net loss.

I wish college was less expensive.

[Sosoku234]

Granted. Your tuition is lower. You spent all the extra money on booze and now have nothing. They kicked you out last week for not paying your tuition or paying rent.


I wish I could be a superhero who could finish every fight in just one punch.