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[Megggas]

Granted, Fidel Castro.

I wish that I could convert puns into jokes that were actually funny.

[fillipk]

Granted, but it requires you to hurt yourself and others in weird ways.

I wish all my injuries would go away

[Twinwolf]

Granted. Every injury you ever get closes immediately. But you feel 100000000 times the pain, which you can't pass out from, and can't get used to. Have fun.

I wish my cat and my dog got along.

[Megggas]

Granted.  You wake up the next morning with a leash around your neck and a rubber mouse stuffed down your throat.  Now your pets recognize their true enemy.

I wish that blind pigs could fly.

[TheBiggerFish]

Granted.
In addition to the airborne pork, all the things that will happen when pigs fly happen.
This does not end well.

I wish that the circus tent was sky-high.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Its also really, really cold in there.

I wish in could get warm and comfy and breathe right.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, unfortunately when you are finally released from the hospital you are forced into debt from its bills.

I wish that I could have a 3.7 inch howitzer cannon in my flat, without any legal shenanigans.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. It only works while pointed at you, unfortunately.

I wish for sharp, pointy things and guns could get along.

[Twinwolf]

Granted. There's a gun that shoots sharp, pointy things at bullet-like velocities. At you. Even when fired on the opposite side of the world, the shot goes to you.

I wish that there was a larger selection of emoticons (like these  ) to use in posts.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Granted. You get one additional emoticon which says 'extremism for life'.

I wish for sharp pointy things and guns to get along without me being hurt.

[Sl4cker]

They do so. They gang up on everything you love and admire to bond.

I wish I had infinite knowledge on every single anime or animesque series in existence. Even the poopy ones.

[Adragis]

You do. And you forget it just as quickly, because the human brain can't hold that much.

I wish for for

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, spellcheck erases the second for as a repeated word, and the wish parser assumes you are not wishing for anything.

I wish that I had a personal AMX 13 tank.

[fillipk]

Granted, now where are those darn keys.

I wish for better typing skills.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, unfortunately you can only type in programmer Dvorak.

I wish to have all the plushies I ever wanted.