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[FArgHalfnr]

REQUEST NOT GRANTED, WISHER EXTERMINATED

I wish I knew if that was accurate or not.

Granted. You learn it just as you learn of the death of a close relative. The shock is too much for you to remember the answer, however.

I wish for Lizardmen.

[Tawa]

Granted, but we have already taken over your governmentssssss.

I wish for snakesssssss.

[FArgHalfnr]

Granted, but we have already taken over your governmentssssss.

I wish for snakesssssss.

Granted. Killer snakes in every house!

I wish to learn how to speak and write in eldritchese.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but only in a dialect that shows you as painfully ignorant amongst the other eldricht beings.

I wish for lasers.

[FArgHalfnr]

Granted, but only in a dialect that shows you as painfully ignorant amongst the other eldricht beings.

I wish for lasers.

Granted. A laser flash in front of you for a millisecond.

I wish to be a robot.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. You're an automotive factory assembly bot

I wish to succeed at all the things I want to do.

[FArgHalfnr]

Granted. You're an automotive factory assembly bot

I wish to succeed at all the things I want to do.

Granted. Everything is nice until you wish to sleep forever after being woke up too early.

I wish for a cure to aging.

[Inithis]

Granted. You're an automotive factory assembly bot

I wish to succeed at all the things I want to do.

Granted. Everything is nice until you wish to sleep forever after being woke up too early.

I wish for a cure to aging.

Granted. All the effects of this disease are wiped out, including your growth from an embryo. You are destroyed by a single virus.

I wish for a bar of gold, with no further alterations made to my present fate beyond the monetary implications of the introduction of a bar of gold into my timeline.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Everyone gets a bar of gold. Gold becomes worthless.

I wish for passing all my finals and getting my financial aid so I can continue with my degree and not flunk out.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. Through shenanigans, you end up with a liberal arts degree. This totally qualifies you for a lot of high-paying jobs. Almost definitely. We promise.

I wish for a cat sweater.

[WillowLuman]

Granted. Australian style.

I wish I had better dinner and a better essay.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. You write an essay about dinner. Your instructor suddenly gets hungry while reading it and wanders off to eat something. They never get back to grading your essay, so you get a zero on that assignment.

I wish the world was made of love and kittens

[Arcvasti]

Granted. Every step sets off meows as another kitten has its bones and organs crushed by your weight. The worst part is everyone, including the kittens, doesn't blame you for it and forgives you even as the death toll mounts. So the only person guilty about your incesssent kitten murder. Is you.

I wish for polearms.

[Adragis]

Granted. Your limbs are now all wooden poles.

I wish for firearms.

[UnicodingUnicorn]

Granted, you can't touch anything flammable now thanks to the continous burning of your two arms.

I wish that I could've made those people dance, so maybe they'll be happy for a while.