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[heydude6]

Granted, but now the thread died and everyone blames you.

I wish Dwarf Fortress wasn't in ASCII

[Eric Blank]

Granted. It's delivered in text. You can now accidentally highlight your dorfs and turn them into ¶'s. It is irreversible.

I wish for a joyful Christmas.

[heydude6]

Granted. You get goblin Christmas invading your front door. Since you don't have an army the invading goblins slaughter you and everyone you ever knew and loved. But looked on the bright side. It seems that if you were prepared you would have got some sweet loot.

I wish that 911 never happened

[flabort]

Granted. 9/11, which is probably what you meant, still happens, but now it's impossible to get a hold of police, firemen, or medical officials in a timely manner and the entire country falls apart from rampant crime, out of control fires, and disease.

I wish that his wish never happened.

[Magnumcannon]

Granted, but now his wish somehow affected our reallity so heavily, you were born as a tiny and round armless creature. Life sucks.

I wish i owned a slaughterhouse (Don't ask why)

[blazing glory]

Granted, but people ask why.

I wish I could appease the internet gods to granted me much faster internet, capable of downloading at 3 MB's per second.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but the necessary sacrifice is your hands.

I wish I was better trained in consoling so I knew what to say to everyone who's having a crappy holiday.

[ZalkozDestbro]

Granted, but their holidays are still crappy

I wish I could make good forum posts.

[Lyeos]

Granted. In exchange, you lose your hands.

I wish Zal would make forum posts more often.

[heydude6]

granted. Zal turns out to be a troll.

I wish 4chan was as good as Bay12

[ZalkozDestbro]

Granted, but Bay12 becomes a copy of 4chan.

I wish people on this forum would stop losing their hands.
((Modified to insert a three letter word that was missing))

[Prophet]

Granted. Instead they lose their heads.

I also wish that Zal would post more.

((Hi Zal.))

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Because he has nothing to really contribute most of the time, he posts in threads like this one. And yells at people a lot.

I wish I didn't accidentally tap the "report post to moderator" link so often. One of these days I'm going to accidentally tap submit instead of back, and then toady will be angry with me for wasting his time. Fucking touch screens.

[blazing glory]

Granted, your touch device is vaporized.

I wish I had something to make map making easier for a forum game of mine.

[Stirk]

Granted, you find the power was inside you all along! It was imagination! Imaginary maps are the best maps.

I wish to be able to declare my own holidays that will be celebrated across the world, and to have the ability to cancel holidays as I see fit.