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[Arx]

Granted. Did you really want to know all the details of how Evard's Black Tentacles works? (Spoiler: you didn't)

I wish I had a golden flute.

[Tomasque]

Sure, but it's so heavy, you can't bring it anywhere or play it.

[nomoetoe]

No wish? So sad, kinda makes me mad, so I will shoot, a little tiny fruit.

I wish for an infinite hamburger generator.

[Erils]

Granted. Now why don't you ask your family/friends/pets/orphans/rest-of-humanity where the infinite supply of meat is coming from. Wait a minute...where did everybody go? Now there's no one to share these delicious hamburgers with. Not that it matters seeing as you don't have an infinite number of buns, lettuce, cheese or ketchup.

I wish I found a penny in the street.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. Its a Canadian penny. Not even CANADIANS accept those anymore.

I wish for fluffy furballs.

[Tomasque]

 Sure, but they're actually tribbles. And they eat all your food.

I wish to be more charismatic

[heydude6]

Granted. Now every woman who sees you now believes that you are their soul mate and swears a vow of abstinence and celibacy that will only be broken by marrying you. Humanity quickly reached extinction.

I wish Toady made his game 100% moddable

[Kingbodz]

The game is flooded with terrible sex mods and the good mods disappear.

I wish for snow.

[Erils]

Granted. It is yellow.

I wish for white snow.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Thanks for plunging us into a new Ice Age, jerk.

I wish I were better prepared for finals.

[Comrade P.]

Granted. You are indeed prepared for finals. BOOM, they're over, yet you fell out of life for good.

I wish I had less possessions.

[blazing glory]

Granted, among these possessions that have been removed are:
Your computer.
Your house.
Your beloved pet and/or wife.

I wish some of these cats weren't so shy.

[flabort]

Granted. The lions and mountain cats are very much less shy and come looking for you.

I wish that the instructions I received when making food at home were less vague, and that the reason I was making food wasn't that my parents were too mad at each other to cook.

[Stirk]

Granted. You are given specific instructions by the madman holding a pistol to your head, the reason why you are now cooking. If you deviate from them even a little, you will be shot. Good luck.

I wish that I had epic modding skills!

[Tomasque]

 Sure, now you can only write your mods in a long poem, typically one derived from ancient oral tradition, narrating the deeds and adventures of heroic or legendary figures or the history of a nation. Good luck.

  I wish that this wish was not corrupted. XD