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[jefam99]

Granted. They are imported and explode upon use.

I wish I could live without eating or going hungry.

[Andres]

Granted. You die from thirst.

I wish for Velocirapture.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, the long-dead velociraptors rise from the earth and float into the sky to the confusion of all.

I wish for an ice helmet.

[Stirk]

Granted. It is just a little plastic helmet that protects an ice cube.

I wish that miniguns would be cheap and legal in America.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, they soon become the favorite tools for driveby shootings.

I wish to go to space and back today and survive.

[Andres]

Granted. Did you hear that noise? It sounded like it was coming from the vents...

I wish for an axe.

[Stirk]

Granted. Have fun with a can of body spray.

I wish to have the power of Gunomancy

[Generally me]

Granted. you become so good you defeated every threat in the world. You then die from boredom.

I wish everyone I love is immortal as well as me

[Eric Blank]

Granted. But the people your loved ones love are not immortal. So when they die, your entire family sinks into a deep depression forever and ever.

I wish for insulation in this damn cabin. It is fucking freezing.

[Andres]

Granted. Insulation is installed free of charge with quality insulation....8 days after your death.

I wish for warm and gooey wax.

[Tawa]

Granted. It is of an ear- variety. It is also yours, and you possess ten pounds of it.

I wish for the ability to introduce arbitrary error into Nate Silver's predictions.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You do this by manipulating the existing conditions, causing numerous unforeseen effects.

I wish to have 48 hours (or 52 billion kilometers or 32 billion miles) in a perceived day.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. Unfortunately, this just ends up with you trying to sleep during the daylight, which is annoying and messes up your sleep schedule to hell and back.

I wish for 4D Parcheesi to be a real game.

[Kilojoule Proton]

LAZYGENIE: Granted. It's already the case if you consider time to be a fourth dimension and play on a non-flat board.

MEANGENIE: Granted. It is published by RealNetworks and cannot be played without much adware and worse.

I wish not to require or depend on sleep any more.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, you are an inanimate object.

I wish for time during November to participate in NaNoWriMo.