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[Andres]

Granted. A frost troll is enamored by your new neauty and forces marriage upon you. He then whisks you away to the frozen wastes he calls home where you spend a few months in a terribly unhappy marriage before accidently staying too long outside and dying of frostbite.

I wish to build little fences around eldritch abominations.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, they step right over the little fences.

I wish to no longer have GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. They are no longer GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS.They are just flaming eyebrows that will soon become ashes and burning-hair-stench.

I wish to die of dice.

[Tawa]

Granted. You are playing Dark and Dungeons, as Jack Chick would have you believe it is called half the time, and the DM declares you dead when you decide to fail your save to notice the dice trap.

Dark Master: "Kilojoule Proton has failed his save to avoid the dice trap. I declare him dead."
KP: "NO! NOT 'JOULE! I CAN'T DIE! I CAN'T!"
Jack: "Shut up, Proton. You're dead. You don't exist anymore. Go on! Get out!"

You run away, crying, and commit suicide by buying d20s in bulk and eating them.

I wish for something less morbid.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. The world turns into fluffy wamblers. And none of them can die or feel pain. And neither can you.

I wish for something extra-morbid.

[rabidgam3r]

An anti-hero from some stupid fanfic comes along and murders you graphically, all the while screaming about how DARK and EDGY he is.
I wish for an alarm clock that actually wakes me up.

[Andres]

(That's not morbid; that's hilarious!)

Granted. It's always keeping you awake always during every hour and every minute and every second of every day. Your friends and family abandon you because of the incessant ringing. You eventually die from sleep deprivation, alone and insane.

Ok. The big one. I WISH FOR IMMORTALITY.

[Lenglon]

Granted, You turned into a living statue, unable to move or act in any way, yet still able to see and listen and feel. unable to close your eyes. unable to die even as you become chipped and pocmarked by acid rain, yet feeling every moment of it. every moment out in cold and coated with ice. every moment out in the sweltering heat, unable to seek shade or shelter. without hope, without end, unable to do anything at all, even scream.

I wish to grow lots and lots of tails.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, all the Guillermo Del Torro parasite worms emerge from your skin.

I wish for randomly generated boss music.

[Noel.se]

Granted. Sadly, it's terrible boss music.

I wish for 75 million dollars.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, you get monopoly money. Sadly it is robbed as well.

I wish for a wish of unimaginable proportions.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. The unimaginable proportions constitute a cognitohazard and you are given powerful (retrograde) amnestics that also remove many important memories. Including language.

I wish for a non-working cellphone.

[Tawa]

Granted. It works.

I wish for a d8.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You get this:

 It 8onks you on the head and somehow prevents you from ever getting a real d8.

I wish for a d1.

[hops]

Granted. The Moon which is basically a spherical d1 falls onto Earth.

I wish for cats.