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[hops]

Granted. I destroy the world and usher an end to everyone's suffering.

I wish for a tangible Menger sponge that is smaller than a car.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted but you later learn youre in the matrix


I wish to overthrow Objective for taking my rightful position as King of Pain

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but first you must beat him in a fight to the pain.

I wish for fresh fruit.

[bigjaredmonkey]

Granted, but first you must beat him in a fight to the pain.

I wish for fresh fruit.

granted, you have deadly allergic reactions to oranges.

they are oranges.

[blazing glory]

Yes, they are oranges, but they have AK47's and riddle your house with bullets.

I wish not look sleep deprived, even though I am.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

You do not look sleep-deprived, ever. This causes you to convince yourself and your brain that you are never sleep-deprived, until you try to stay awake for 4 weeks straight and die after the first 2.

I wish for fanfiction.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, people write fanfiction of a short-lived RTD you were in.

I wish for a job.

[Noel.se]

Granted. You get fired after one day.

I wish for more information.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You get uncompressed lolcat bitmaps.

I wish for a pebble of meteoric iron.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted it's laced with uranium and kills you horribly


I wish for cats

[Tawa]

Granted. They are your old Nyanmurrica Cat avatar. They crush you with Murricaness.

I wish for a mighty sword to cast down infidels.

[Lenglon]

Granted, you get a catapult. though awesome, it is quite impractical.

I wish for the power of fire.

[dwarf_reform]

You turn into Gilbert Godfrey and go to jail for gross misuse of shape-changing power :O In jail you find it safest to shape-change into bars of soap.

I wish Christopher Walken and Patrick Stewart were my dads.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, they're far too busy to be attentive or supportive.

I wish for GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS.

[dwarf_reform]

(not sure if I'm allowed to corrupt twice in a row, but..)

.. GRANTED! You now possess GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. At first you look elegant yet fierce, like if Monopoly Guy and a phoenix had a baby, but then.. your hair is immediately set ablaze by GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. Your scalp begins to melt due to GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. You cancel task Give Butterfly Kisses: Interrupted by GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. A nearby friend or relative will be startled or alarmed by GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS. Dressing as Ghost Rider for Halloween becomes easier because of GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS.

I wish for.. standard.. frosty.. eyelids.