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[WillowLuman]

Granted. They're in my apartment.

I wish for a nice cake.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. The cake is very nice. INCREDIBLY NICE! You pass out in ecstasy. You are now a cake addict. Unnfortunately, no cake in existence can compare with the first one, so you just spend the rest of your short life stuffing cakes in your mouth, trying to re-experience the rush the first cake gave you, to no avail.

I wish for english pudding.

[TamerVirus]

Granted, but its laced with an extremely lethal poison and has memetic effects, compelling you to eat it

I wish for EA to stop existing and for the freedom or reformation of all the companies it devoured

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
You get worse companies because of it

I wish for something that black and white morality

[WillowLuman]

Granted, there's a Dalek in your house.

I wish for an awesome boss battle theme.

[Tawa]

Granted. It is against me. You lose.

I wish for PSIONIIIIIIIIIICS

[Noel.se]

Granted. They fry your brain.

I wish for happiness.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but its not for you.

I wish I had a robot that did my homework, punctually, correctly and to a high standard.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted, however just as you get it a law is passed so that there is no more homework now or ever.

I wish pencils weren't so fragile.

[Arcvasti]

Granted. Pencils are unbreakable now. Someone foolish rams two of them together. The resulting forces devastate the planet.

I wish for salted cucumber.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You get a cucumber with salt grains on its skin.

I wish for salt.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted it appears in your hand but dissolves because its raining

I wish for a scientist that helps the world

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. The scientist manages to contact an eldritch abomination and have it open a portal to an alternate 'verse where everything is still extremely hot, thus obliterating Earth and helping it out of its misery.

I wish for an eldritch abomination.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted he destroys the world instantly


I wish for a better phone

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, you get the first phone and you start greeting people with 'Ahoy'.

I wish I had the power to control time.