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[IronTomato]

Granted, you're not in Kansas anymore.

I wish for tea.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted its super powerful and you fall into a coma sleep


I wish I aged slower

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, you age slower than a dragonfly. This gives you 2 days to live.

I wish to be crowned king of the user above me threads.   

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but only until the next person posts, in which case they become kind. And so on.

I wish for a mind-shatteringly bad pun.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, but it is mispeled.

I wish I knew why everyone was becoming kind as they post after me.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, it's because of a typo, which you realize just before autocorrect resolves your DNA into a four-letter word, killing you instantly.

I wish for cereal.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted but the cereal is made of humans


I wish that I no longer be ruled

(Does this mean i am king of myself now?)

[WillowLuman]

You are king of yourself, having been marooned on Three-Meter Island.

I wish for a bus. Surprise me.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, when you are walking down the road you meet a B.U.S. he is very nice and you have a wonderful conversation. He tells you how to solve world hunger. You then push him under a bus in a bid for you to gain power once you reveal your idea to solve world hunger. You are then stabbed from behind. You collapse on the road 20m from where you pushed your victim and into the path of an oncoming cab. Your head squelches like a melon under the tyre.

I wish for creative solutions.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. You have a nice shower of w/v 121% potassium hydroxide (and just enough thymolphtalein for a nice blue) for a few hours followed by a nice shower of fuming sulfuric acid (with a nice amount of cresol red for a nice red). The resulting sludge is submitted to a museum as "Creative Solutions."

I wish for the ability to send any object I choose into circular orbit.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but it can only be done a few of times, since it's the same circular orbit each time.

I wish for better memory.

[jaxy15]

Granted. You now very vividly remember all the bad things that have happened to you. You can't get them out of your head.

I wish for vuvuzelas.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. A thug springs out of nowhere and bludgeons you with them.

I wish for Earth to be able to implode.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, all you have to do is manually add enough mass.

I wish for an apartment.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. It is literally falling apart from lack of maintenance.

I wish for moss and slime molds.