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[Lyeos]

Granted, you have to make them. I end up playing as a sapient, magical sword and totally mess one of them up from within.

I wish for Orp.

[flabort]

Granted, you have to import it from Antarctica at $2100 per copy.

A price I would gladly pay for such a game.  And if it cost that much, then I would play the **** out of it until I died of dehydration, but die happy. Try hard then that, alright?

I wish i had a pen.

Granted. It's a calligraphy pen, and you have no ink well. And the reason you have it is a demon clown stabbed it into your neck vein.

I wish for Orp.

Granted. I don't know what Orp is, so I'll assume it's a brand of instant porridge, which you drown in.

I wish to be omniscient to go with my omnipotence.

[Tawa]

Granted. Your Cthulhu Mythos skill rises to 100, and you go insane forever.

I wish that flabort knew what orp is.

[Kilojoule Proton]

Granted. Nothing changes about anyone's wishes.

I wish to attend my own funeral.

[Andres]

Granted. Nobody else shows up.

I wish the nightmares would go away.

[Tawa]

Granted. The horrors written of by a particularly quiet and unfortunately racist horror author of the early 1900s, which you have conveniently not had nightmares about, become real (-er) and seek your flesh. Now you have lifemares instead of nightmares.

I wish your wife's/significant other's/closest family member/friend's head was a melon.

[blazing glory]

Granted but your stomach is now a pineapple.

I wish that the half decent ideas I get for RtD's wouldn't die as quickly as they come to me because they get attacked by my self doubt flanked by elements of laziness.

[Kilojoule Proton]

LAZYJINN: Granted. They die even faster.

HARDJINN: Granted. Where this is impossible, they live a millisecond longer.

I wish to ride a komodo dragon around town and to get mauled by it at the end.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
it takes days for you to die

I wish for some Exp

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, to get real world experience you go out into the real world. You see flies, some rubbish and your cat just died. Then your good thoughts from this forum expire and you go berserk. You are then put down by your neighbour the mason after you slaughter three children and the blacksmith.

I wish for a useful artefact.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Granted but the artifact becomes animate and and runs away from you like a small child every time you want to use it

I wish every day was 26 hours long (adding 2 more hours to night time)

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, this also starts killing crops as the temperatures on the night side plummet further than usual and below freezing point. Famine ensues.

I wish I spoke my native language. 

[Noel.se]

Granted. You forget how to speak English.

I wish I had a sandwich.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted. You forget how to speak English.

Excellent, that will show them what for.
Granted, it is a fire breathing, flesh eating sandwich which proceeds to eat you.

I wish for a pot of gold and a murderous leprechaun in my enemies homes.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

granted the murderous leprechauns are paralized due to teleportation error

I wish if aged 1/3rd the speed of normal people