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[DAPARROT]

granted,the are !!kitten tallow!! biscuits

i wish to not get bored with my forts

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
you get bored with real life

I wish that some red mages randomly appear in my house

[Tawa]

Granted. They use slightly subpar Level 4 spells on you and you die.

I wish for tea.

[KingofstarrySkies]

Granted. You get a substance is almost entirely, but not quite, unlike tea.

I wish for BOOP.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, it repeats in perpetuity and causes the universe to implode.

I wish I was better at dwarf fortress.

[Tawa]

Granted. However, just as you start playing...

you get a substance is almost entirely, but not quite, unlike tea

poured all over your computer.

I wish for fum.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
you become better at becoming bored

I wish for something to happen that involves white mages

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, you choke on Catalan smoke

Granted, they burn down your house with petrol cans and a match.

I wish for a supercomputer.

[Humaan]

Granted. It is a super villain computer, and plans to kill you and take over the world.

I wish that I could type out turns for Roll to Destroy the World faster, while maintaining quality.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
it's so quick that it's too fast for everyone and Abandons your RTD's

I wish for something that's an wish

[RAM]

You get an 'andwich with 'awdust and anchovies. Your closest acquaintance exhausted themselves delivering it to you and is now in a coma.

I wish for a monkey's paw and a genie's lamp.

[flabort]

Granted. The genie is an asshole who hates your guts, and the monkey's paw is just a monkey's paw with no powers.

I wish for my cat to stop clawing my leg and my dog to settle down.

[Comrade Shamrock]

Granted, the monkey's paw rubs the lamp and the monkey whose paw you have wishes that all humanity was enslaved and ruled by monkeys.

Granted, the cat claws your face instead and the dog settles down on top of you preventing you from moving and stopping the cat.

I wish for unlimited power.

[WillowLuman]

An infinite amount of energy surges through your body, burning you to atoms.

I wish for shoelace powers.

[flabort]

Granted. They give you an advantage over opponents wearing shoes with laces. However, the first fight you pick is with me, and you have zero advantage against me. I murder your face as a result.

I wish for infinite HugoLumans to fight, like Sarge likes fighting Griff.