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[Lyeos]

Granted, as I'm now a device designed to capture and/or kill foxes, it explodes into a shower of blood and organs.

I wish for a lighter and a candle.

[~Neri]

Granted, they always hover just out of your reach.

I wish for Lyeos to accept his adorable Trapness.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. A dude rushes to you and shoves them in your hand. Moments later, the police begin questioning you. Turns out you're a prime suspect for arson now.
Granted. He now out Kevaks you.

I wish for Lyeos to be on the moon, with everything he needs to survive.

[hops]

Granted. You are now indebted to NASA and your family are forever enslaved to them to pay for the cost of getting a lifetime's supply of resources for Lyeos on the moon.

I wish that I was a reverse trap.

[Lyeos]

Granted, you're a reverse fox trap. Instead of killing foxes, when a dead fox is placed on you, it comes back to life!

I wish for a soft pretzel. With salt.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted.

*Lyeos has been missing for a week

I wish real life had a message log so I could review what people said to me.

[~Neri]

Granted, everyone is grateful. It burns.

I wish that we actually got a message log for irl.

[Lyeos]

Granted, everybody is forced to remember everything that anyone has ever said to them at the end of each week. Suicide rates skyrocket.

I wish for a  benevolent AI to pilot a fully-automated submarine that magically creates everything I need to survive.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Too bad you donated your brain to the project.

I wish Lyeos was a magical beast only capable of doing actions that benefit me (and possibly the other Bay12ers).

[hops]

Granted. He gives everyone the gift of death.

I wish that Arya Stark does something useful apart from being alive.

[Tawa]

Granted. They are useful by sacrificing themselves to the villains, locked away FOREVER in a Matrix-esque situation.

I wish I was NEO FROM THE MATRIX.

[Lyeos]

Granted, but you took the blue pill because this is an alternate timeline.

I wish for a literal yet nonlethal lava lamp.

[Scotsmen]

Granted. You are however arrested for possession of uncooled lava.

I wish that the above was an actual crime.

[Roc CURIOUSBEAST_EATER]

Granted,
an new law also says everything an crime.

I wish for an angry kitten.

[Lyeos]

Granted, it's in your skull.

I wish for far fewer fox traps.