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[Worldmaster27]

Granted. You now simply rub them with kitchen knives.

I wish for a good haunted house.

[Lyeos]

Granted, it's so good that everyone that enters it ends up as burgers at local fast-food joints!

I wish the players in  Sinvara's game would post their actions.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, however their actions are so evil, so foul so horrible that the Obok Meatgod incident would be nothing compared to what they have done.

I wish for OH!

[IronTomato]

Granted. You get an extremely large quantity of hydroxide. Your body becomes a base.

I wish for an airsoft tournament.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Ohio lands on your head.
Granted. You thought it was an airsoft tournament, but then the guy beside you dropped dead and was missing most of his head.

I wish to know everything there is to know about ancient civilizations.

[Lyeos]

Granted, you suddenly understand why some of them vanished and subsequently sacrifice yourself to a volcano.

I wish for fewer stupidly OP characters.

[nomoetoe]

Granted, this gives more room for the fucktardadly op characters to grow in numbers.

I wish for EH!

[Eric Blank]

Granted, eh?

I wish for !!MAGIC!!

[nomoetoe]

Granted you haz zeh !!MAGICS!! you consume the world with your !!FIRE!!

I wish for MEH!

[Lyeos]

Granted, you're crushed by Metal Elephant Heads.

I wish for warm, but not hot, toes.

[Eric Blank]

Granted. Your left foot is perpetually comfy whilst your right is always cold and itchy.

I wish for happy days.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. The days are happy, but you are perpetually depressed.

I wish for diverse emoticons.

[Lyeos]

Granted, happy days now fill your past in comparison to the miserable existence you are about to delve into. Do you with to proceed? Y/Y?

Granted, you get all weird the faces from that one Godzilla Creepypasta that fell flat at the end. You know, the ones that made no sense.

I wish half-an-hour meant half-an-hour.

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. However, one minute now means 3 hours. And one hour means that the person doesn't care about you and will never talk to you again if they can help it.

I wish for dwarves.

[Scotsmen]

Granted.
But the dwarves delved too deep, and released HFS out onto Worldmaster27

I wish more people were Tolkien fans.