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[Tawa]

Your sandwich appears to be on fire, sire.

I wish for seven sticks of spearmint gum to be chewed at my discretion.

[Prophet]

Granted. But you sell your soul to a trap god to obtain them.

I wish that I was a cat.

[Tawa]

[Soulless wheezing]
[Translation: Granted, sire. You are lethargic and fat. You have appeared to have died as a result of obesity complications.]

[Soulless wheezing]
[Translation: Terribly sorry, but I wish to have my soul back.]

[Lyeos]

Granted, but all wishes must now be presented as angsty whining.

I wish for a pirate.

[Prophet]

Granted. The pirate then steals all your stuff.

I wish that i was a immortal cat.

[Tawa]

Nobody understands me! Your pirate shoots you with a ballista! I hate you!

Nobody understands me! You are locked in an adamantine cage forever! I hate you!

Life sucks! I wish I didn't have to talk like an emo loser! I wish I wasn't born!

[blazing glory]

Granted,you never did exist.

I wish I had the best sandwich to exist.

[Tawa]

[From Beyond the Pale: Granted. This sandwich is so good, you commit suicide over the fact that no other sandwich can parallel its majesty.]

[From Beyond the Pale: I wish that somebody would post a wish I can easily corrupt into a loss of rules over my speech and/or existential problems such as soul loss, not being born, etc.]

[Worldmaster27]

Granted. Someone beats you to it and forces you to invent a new language and use it exclusively.

I wish Tawarochir had to invent a new language and have to use it exclusively in his posts, 100% of the time.

[Lyeos]

Granted. It consists entirely of the word "no".

I wish whatever force that keeps forcing my iPad to type on it's own would stop.

[Tawa]

Granted. Said language is exactly like English, with the exception of a particular secret code word, which spoken allows the user to be free from all other language or existential problems.

No.
[Translation: Granted. However, this force also caused from all that crap that happened over the last page or two. I am now free. Thank you.]

I wish I owned horses, am not killed by the horses, and could afford to do so.

[WillowLuman]

Granted, but you must stay up every night to defend them from horse goblins.

I wish we'd get rid of those dirty horse goblins already.

[Lyeos]

Granted, they go through the car wash, so now they're all clean!

I wish Tawarochir had to use Pig Latin.

[blazing glory]

Granted,he shoots off 50 swear words at you in Pig Latin.

I wish for awesome water.

[Lyeos]

Granted! You get the amazing Aqua Cura!

I wish for mooks.